Collingwood Jokes [Merged]

gustiger12

Its Tiger Time
Jan 22, 2003
9,933
0
www.thaigerpics.com
Just to lightening the mood.

An Essendon fan, a Collingwood fan and a Richmond fan were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere
possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they were sentenced to death!


However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment.

By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said, "It is my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to grant each of you one wish before your whipping."

The Essendon fan was first in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about this for a while and then said, "Please tie a pillow to my back
This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Essendon fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain when the punishment was done.

The Collingwood fan was next up (he had almost finished an entire six pack by himself), and after watching the scene, said "Alright! Please fix two pillows on my back."
But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again, sending
the Collingwood fan out crying like a little girl.


The Richmond fan was the last one up (he had finished off the crate), but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said, "You support the greatest team in the world, your supporters are some of the best and most loyal fans in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"
"Thank you, your Royal Highness," the Richmond fan replies. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes".

"Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave," the Sheikh says with an admiring look on his face.
"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And, your second wish....what is it to be?"
"Tie the Collingwood fan to my back."
 

tiggytam

Welcome to Tigerland
May 1, 2003
1,919
0
Melbourne
Re:A bit of Humour

I got a good belly laugh at that one, I know a few Eddiewood supporters to send that to ;D
 

Rosy

Tiger Legend
Mar 27, 2003
54,347
4
Re:A bit of Humour

Good one Gus..... ;D

Almost as funny as Pettifer being selected for good form. :rollin
 
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PuntRoadRoar

Guest
Re:A bit of Humour

WHY DID THE CHICKEN DROSS THE ROAD?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Danny Frawley: The chicken crossed the road and got hit by a bus, it tried hard to get across the road but the bus was bigger, I think we can all take some positives out of the chicken trying to cross the road.

Leigh Matthews: The chicken had to cross the road because it was not eligable to stay on its side of the road because the AFL changed the father son criteria and its father was on its side of the road.

Dean Laidley: I dont really care about wether the chicken crossed the road or not , I just want it to get a little more angry about what its doing and as long as it knows its my way or the highway it can cross the road whenever it likes.

Mick Malthouse: The chicken was slow but the road was patient.

Grant Thomas: We have no comment about the chicken and it crossing the road we just told it that we excpect 100% commitment to this club and anyhting less wont be tolerated, we gave the chicken some life counselling and it decided to cross the road which I think is in the best interests of the club.

Steven Lawrence: But Grant there was this bloody chicken cro.........

Eddie McGuire: Of course the chicken is going to cross the road when the AFL are giving the other side of the road more food to feed it, why wouldnt it cross the road. Did I mention Collingwood, Collingwood, there I mentioned it.

Nathan Buckley: Who Cares, what about me, i crossed the road to the shops the other day and i bought the papers and walked home again.

Shane Warne: Was it naked?

Phillip Ruddock: Anyone who conspired to help the chicken escape from and cross the road from its detention centre will be dealt with severley.

Bruce: Oh yes i saw it, it was SPEEESHHALLL, it walked a bit like WAYNE it was inspiring stuff.

Simon Beaumont: It stopped in the middle too , the middle is the bit in between the side it came from and the side its going to.(Bit like december for you Beauey)

Kevin Sheedy: It didnt cross the road the aliens came down and beamed it across the road.

Travis Johnston: @#%$ did it it cross the road did it, thats 10 grand ive just done, get me my phone, wheres beasleys number, why couldnt it just stay on its side for one more day, never listen to swhatta and his sure things.

David Hookes: I cant beleive you guys, some filthy hairy backed chicken crosses the road and it makes news for you lot.
 

tiga

New RFC fitness regime under Wallace
Apr 28, 2003
1,440
0
Blue Mountains NSW
Re:A bit of Humour

Very funny stuff Gus! ;D

It also Gave me an idea to solve all our problems...

Send Spud to Saudi Arabia with a slab under his arm on any day but a Saudi National holiday! ;D ;D Muhahaha
 

cogs_is_sexy24

Tiger Rookie
Jul 12, 2003
238
0
Melbourne
Re:A bit of Humour

haha!!! LMAO!!!! ;D ;D ;D

-i luv it when you guys come up with stuff like this...i especially like danny's response to why the chicken crossed the rd! (but it would've been a classic if you added the 'look, yeh, nah' in front of it, as he always says!)
 
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PuntRoadRoar

Guest
Re:A bit of Humour

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

Dennis Pagan: No, Well look the way we see it the chicken is going to take time to cross the road, we just need all our chickens lovers to be a bit more patient with the chicken.
 

JohnF

LMFAOOO
Mar 29, 2003
1,039
0
Re:A bit of Humour

PuntRoadRoar said:
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

Dennis Pagan: No, Well look the way we see it the chicken is going to take time to cross the road, we just need all our chickens lovers to be a bit more patient with the chicken.
Diggler: Who cares good riddans! That chicken was a dud!
 

TigerFurious

Smooth
Dec 17, 2002
2,224
25
Re:A bit of Humour

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD

Chris Connelly: "We're just trying to build a chicken that will be crossing the road successfully for years to come. We're not worried about how its crossing now."

Mark Williams: "I've had about a gutfull of the chicken! We don't do things like that at Port Adelaide and its about time you victorians stopped talking about chickens and paid more respect to Port. I swear we're gonna win a final this year! Mark my words!"
 

JohnF

LMFAOOO
Mar 29, 2003
1,039
0
Re:A bit of Humour

Mike Sheehan: I think it was about time the chicken crossed the road, what do you think Gerard?

Gerard Healy: I'm not too sure abotu what it was doing crossing the road but surely it deserved a free kick!

Malcolm Blight: That is the worst chicken I have ever seen cross the road.

Arnold Schwarzenegger: The chicken will be back.

Osama Bin Laden : The chicken was an infidel!

George Bush: Make no mistake about it, the chicken will succeed in crossing the road.

;D
 

Dean3

Older than I've ever been
Dec 17, 2002
2,954
0
Melbourne
Re:A bit of Humour

Clinton Casey: Even though the chicken got flattened, it was on the right track. :D
 

MC24

Tiger Superstar
Jan 14, 2003
1,147
0
Re:A bit of Humour

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD

Mark Williams: Our chickens are capable of crossing the road better than that. But the opposition chickens crossed the road in very ugly fashion. In the process, their flooding tactics made our chickens look ugly crossing the road.

It wasn't our chicken's fault. Blame the opposition chickens.
 

TigersGoddess

Sing it Loud
Dec 17, 2002
2,915
0
Punt Road Oval
Re:A bit of Humour

Joel Bowden: The chicken was too far away after it crossed the road that's why I didn't chase it.

Pettifer: What Chicken? Where is it? Dont let it come near me. I'm scared of chickens.

Frawley: Yeah nah the chicken will be cherry ripe for next week.

Richo: Damn that #@$#@ chicken, it's got to learn to cross the #$^%$% road properly. I'm the captain and the #@$#% chicken should listen to me.