- Sang to the Benny hill classic - Earnie the fastest milkman in the west.
You could hear the boot studs pound as his tigers raced across the ground,
And the cheer of the crowd as they yelled - loud, and loud.
And he galloped into his coaching box, his tiger badge upon his chest,
His name was Danny, and he drove the fastest spud cart in the west.
Now Danny loved this guy, a man known as Bowden,
He plays around the packs, wearing mainly number 11.
They said he's no good, too many clangers, a better player we should seek,
But Danny and his boyfriend make love three times a week.
They called him Danny, (Danny), and he drove the fastest potatoe cart in the west.
He said he'd like to bathe in mashed spuds, he said, "All right, sweetheart,"
And when he'd finished training one night he loaded up his cart.
He said, "D'you want it pasturized? 'Cause pasturized is best,"
He says, "Danny, I'll be happy if it comes up to my chest."
That tickled old Danny, (Danny), and he drove the fastest spud cart in the west.
Now Bowdo had a rival, a funny looking man,
Called cry baby richo from full forward, a bloke who ran and ran.
He tempted Danny with his big strong heart, his ability to run men dead,
And when Danny seen the size of his hot meat pie it very near turned his head.
Danny nearly swooned at his macaroon and Richo said, "if in the goal square I should sit,
You'll have long leads every week and the occassional dummy spit."
He knew once he gave in to cry baby he'd have his wicked way,
And all Danny had to offer was a cliche post match day.
Poor Danny, (Danny), and he drove the fastest dud cart in the west.
At half time the tigers were dead, Danny knew we could not win,
A game plan he did not have, and as such would need to pull the pin.
And as he lept down from his box, hot blood through his veins did run,
Straight to Richo, then to Bowdo, a few firm affectionate pats on the bum.
His name is Danny, (Danny), and he drove the fastest spud cart in the west.
They will forget Danny, (Danny), he who drove the fastest spud cart in the west.
You could hear the boot studs pound as his tigers raced across the ground,
And the cheer of the crowd as they yelled - loud, and loud.
And he galloped into his coaching box, his tiger badge upon his chest,
His name was Danny, and he drove the fastest spud cart in the west.
Now Danny loved this guy, a man known as Bowden,
He plays around the packs, wearing mainly number 11.
They said he's no good, too many clangers, a better player we should seek,
But Danny and his boyfriend make love three times a week.
They called him Danny, (Danny), and he drove the fastest potatoe cart in the west.
He said he'd like to bathe in mashed spuds, he said, "All right, sweetheart,"
And when he'd finished training one night he loaded up his cart.
He said, "D'you want it pasturized? 'Cause pasturized is best,"
He says, "Danny, I'll be happy if it comes up to my chest."
That tickled old Danny, (Danny), and he drove the fastest spud cart in the west.
Now Bowdo had a rival, a funny looking man,
Called cry baby richo from full forward, a bloke who ran and ran.
He tempted Danny with his big strong heart, his ability to run men dead,
And when Danny seen the size of his hot meat pie it very near turned his head.
Danny nearly swooned at his macaroon and Richo said, "if in the goal square I should sit,
You'll have long leads every week and the occassional dummy spit."
He knew once he gave in to cry baby he'd have his wicked way,
And all Danny had to offer was a cliche post match day.
Poor Danny, (Danny), and he drove the fastest dud cart in the west.
At half time the tigers were dead, Danny knew we could not win,
A game plan he did not have, and as such would need to pull the pin.
And as he lept down from his box, hot blood through his veins did run,
Straight to Richo, then to Bowdo, a few firm affectionate pats on the bum.
His name is Danny, (Danny), and he drove the fastest spud cart in the west.
They will forget Danny, (Danny), he who drove the fastest spud cart in the west.
