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IMPORTANT // Please look after your loved ones, yourself and be kind to others. If you are feeling that the world is too hard to handle there is always help - I implore you not to hesitate in contacting one of these wonderful organisations Lifeline and Beyond Blue ... and I'm sure reaching out to our PRE community we will find a way to help. T.
PUNT ROAD END | Richmond Tigers Forum
Today has been more of a “recovery session”, with most teams beginning their end-of-season celebrations straight after their last matches of the season. Here is what has happened so far for the eight teams that missed the finals, starting with the Tigers last night..
RICHMOND
As the team’s only non-drinker, Jarrad Oakley-Nicholls was designated driver of the mini-bus, but he hesitated in traffic and was run down from behind. Witnesses spotted Alan Didak escaping the second vehicle by foot.
When the team eventually arrived at the pub it was almost full and the bouncer wouldn’t let all the players in. Hyde was left outside, so after Tiva had finished his first beer he went outside and Hyde was allowed in. After Hyde had finished his drink he went outside and Tiva went back in. This went on for quite a few rounds until they got confused and both ended up left outside.
Kane Johnston didn’t take any chances with finding a urinal, and wore incontinence pants throughout the evening. However, he put them on facing the wrong way.
Jordan McMahon spotted a pretty Mexican girl on the other side of the bar, and tried playing “hard to get” with her. Eventually Luke McGuane went to her when it became obvious that Jordy was never going to pick her up.
Will Thursfield bought a few jugs when it was his time to buy a round. While he was paying he passed the tray to Jordan McMahon to carry to the front of the pub, but Jordy turned it over.
Kayne Pettifer refused to buy any drinks, claiming that the team owed him until the next Mad Monday because he was injured.
At dinner, Mark Coughlan raised eyebrows when he ordered his steak rare and then proceeded to inject his hamstring with the juices.
The boys spent much of the evening playing arcade games. Richo top-scored on Space Invaders, but Graeme Polak didn’t fare too well on Frogger.
Gary March and Terry Wallace played a game of Kelly Pool, but March couldn't keep his mouth shut and told Terry he had the five. Even though March had potted all of the other balls, the game ended in a stand-off with Wallace insisting he was still in the game with a 6.5.
Late in the night Joel Bowden bought a round of drinks but couldn’t find any teammates so he returned the drinks to the bar.
Tivendale made it back inside just as the rest of the team were saying their goodbyes.
MELBOURNE
Jeff White and Adam Yze were locked out of the function as part of the club’s Dud Demolition.
Budget restrictions limited the amount of food available to the players. Luckily Brock McLean arrived with donuts.
Brock talked to David Neitz about taking over the captaincy. When Neitz suggested some other potential candidates, Brock became angry and punched out the entire leadership group.
Russell Robertson gave each player a copy of his CD. They were much appreciated – as beer coasters.
As part of his Mad Monday initiation, Cale Morton was required to drink every beer available at the bar. After starting with a Miller he ended the evening crying into his Tiger Beer.
Ben Holland spent the night writing notes on a napkin after Jim Stynes suggested that the Dees might sue him for failing to fulfil promises he’d made to deliver football “opportunities” to the Club.
WEST COAST
West Coast had to cancel Mad Monday after sending the entire team into hospital for surgery.
Coach John Worsfold insisted that his team was not tanking Mad Monday, and revealed that some players had required hospitalisation to have their stomachs pumped or to undergo their annual post-season resuscitation procedures.
FREMANTLE
The Dockers started Mad Monday in April. Peter Bell, Shaun McManus, Matthew Carr and Heath Black left early while Jeff Farmer was forcibly evicted.
PORT ADELAIDE
The Port players postponed their Mad Monday, and will instead wait until they can celebrate the end of Adelaide’s season.
When that occurs the Power plans to embark on an extensive pub crawl throughout Adelaide that will only conclude when they find the Crows players and fight them to the death.
Nathan Krakouer was asked to bring his cousins along for the occasion. Docker vice-captain Josh Carr offered to join in too.
ESSENDON
Essendon’s players got their dates confused when they convened at Telstra Dome for Sad Sunday.
After attending a training clinic put on by the Saints, the Bombers began the evening with a round of theatre sports. Knighter urged the novice actors to “break a leg”. Courtenay Dempsey promptly did.
Matthew Lloyd was evicted from the pub after complaints from several patrons that whenever he lined up at the bar he’d throw grass into their drinks.
Kyle Reimers was ridiculed for wearing orange Drofders, but not because they were orange.
Andrew Lovett failed to turn up after spending the previous evening “socialising”, and was suspended from future Mad Mondays at the club.
CARLTON
The Blues held their Mad Monday at Fev’s restaurant to ensure he knew where a toilet was. Unfortunately they were wrong – don’t order the bouillabaisse at Fellini’s.
Fev and Greg Swan then had a stand-off over the length and terms of the occasion, but Fev folded soon after eating the bouillabaisse.
The boys held a Drinking Olympics. Fev was closing in on the club record, and the team did everything they could to get him over the line. Unfortunately he finished one short, but was soon rewarded with the gold medal for hurling.
With the season now over, Nick Stevens immediately put on 8 kg.
BRISBANE
Who cares? Leigh doesn’t!
RICHMOND
As the team’s only non-drinker, Jarrad Oakley-Nicholls was designated driver of the mini-bus, but he hesitated in traffic and was run down from behind. Witnesses spotted Alan Didak escaping the second vehicle by foot.
When the team eventually arrived at the pub it was almost full and the bouncer wouldn’t let all the players in. Hyde was left outside, so after Tiva had finished his first beer he went outside and Hyde was allowed in. After Hyde had finished his drink he went outside and Tiva went back in. This went on for quite a few rounds until they got confused and both ended up left outside.
Kane Johnston didn’t take any chances with finding a urinal, and wore incontinence pants throughout the evening. However, he put them on facing the wrong way.
Jordan McMahon spotted a pretty Mexican girl on the other side of the bar, and tried playing “hard to get” with her. Eventually Luke McGuane went to her when it became obvious that Jordy was never going to pick her up.
Will Thursfield bought a few jugs when it was his time to buy a round. While he was paying he passed the tray to Jordan McMahon to carry to the front of the pub, but Jordy turned it over.
Kayne Pettifer refused to buy any drinks, claiming that the team owed him until the next Mad Monday because he was injured.
At dinner, Mark Coughlan raised eyebrows when he ordered his steak rare and then proceeded to inject his hamstring with the juices.
The boys spent much of the evening playing arcade games. Richo top-scored on Space Invaders, but Graeme Polak didn’t fare too well on Frogger.
Gary March and Terry Wallace played a game of Kelly Pool, but March couldn't keep his mouth shut and told Terry he had the five. Even though March had potted all of the other balls, the game ended in a stand-off with Wallace insisting he was still in the game with a 6.5.
Late in the night Joel Bowden bought a round of drinks but couldn’t find any teammates so he returned the drinks to the bar.
Tivendale made it back inside just as the rest of the team were saying their goodbyes.
MELBOURNE
Jeff White and Adam Yze were locked out of the function as part of the club’s Dud Demolition.
Budget restrictions limited the amount of food available to the players. Luckily Brock McLean arrived with donuts.
Brock talked to David Neitz about taking over the captaincy. When Neitz suggested some other potential candidates, Brock became angry and punched out the entire leadership group.
Russell Robertson gave each player a copy of his CD. They were much appreciated – as beer coasters.
As part of his Mad Monday initiation, Cale Morton was required to drink every beer available at the bar. After starting with a Miller he ended the evening crying into his Tiger Beer.
Ben Holland spent the night writing notes on a napkin after Jim Stynes suggested that the Dees might sue him for failing to fulfil promises he’d made to deliver football “opportunities” to the Club.
WEST COAST
West Coast had to cancel Mad Monday after sending the entire team into hospital for surgery.
Coach John Worsfold insisted that his team was not tanking Mad Monday, and revealed that some players had required hospitalisation to have their stomachs pumped or to undergo their annual post-season resuscitation procedures.
FREMANTLE
The Dockers started Mad Monday in April. Peter Bell, Shaun McManus, Matthew Carr and Heath Black left early while Jeff Farmer was forcibly evicted.
PORT ADELAIDE
The Port players postponed their Mad Monday, and will instead wait until they can celebrate the end of Adelaide’s season.
When that occurs the Power plans to embark on an extensive pub crawl throughout Adelaide that will only conclude when they find the Crows players and fight them to the death.
Nathan Krakouer was asked to bring his cousins along for the occasion. Docker vice-captain Josh Carr offered to join in too.
ESSENDON
Essendon’s players got their dates confused when they convened at Telstra Dome for Sad Sunday.
After attending a training clinic put on by the Saints, the Bombers began the evening with a round of theatre sports. Knighter urged the novice actors to “break a leg”. Courtenay Dempsey promptly did.
Matthew Lloyd was evicted from the pub after complaints from several patrons that whenever he lined up at the bar he’d throw grass into their drinks.
Kyle Reimers was ridiculed for wearing orange Drofders, but not because they were orange.
Andrew Lovett failed to turn up after spending the previous evening “socialising”, and was suspended from future Mad Mondays at the club.
CARLTON
The Blues held their Mad Monday at Fev’s restaurant to ensure he knew where a toilet was. Unfortunately they were wrong – don’t order the bouillabaisse at Fellini’s.
Fev and Greg Swan then had a stand-off over the length and terms of the occasion, but Fev folded soon after eating the bouillabaisse.
The boys held a Drinking Olympics. Fev was closing in on the club record, and the team did everything they could to get him over the line. Unfortunately he finished one short, but was soon rewarded with the gold medal for hurling.
With the season now over, Nick Stevens immediately put on 8 kg.
BRISBANE
Who cares? Leigh doesn’t!