Ode to Carlton | PUNT ROAD END | Richmond Tigers Forum
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Ode to Carlton


Tiger Legend
Mar 27, 2003
I thought this was worth posting again for those who are new to the boards this year. Not sure who sent it to me or who to credit for it but I reckon it's pretty funny and worth repeating.


Sung to the tune of American Pie by Don Mclean

Long long time ago, I can still remember how Fraser Brown made Dean
Wallis cry And I knew if he had the chance, Steven O'Reilly could play
defence And maybe we'd avoid the spoon for a while.

But Demetriou makes me shiver
With every infringement he delivers
Bad news for the Blue set
Long service leave will get us yet

I can't remember if I cried, when Riccardi beat our withered side But
something touched me deep inside The day our dignity died

So bye bye picks one and two, bye
Can't have Goddard, can't have Salopek, no pick allowed high Those
losers at the Saints will again pick the draft dry Singing "this will
be the day that Jack dies" Singing "this will be the day that Jack

Do you remember 93
When Jack accused Kevin Sheedy
That the Dons had cheated bad

And the flag was won in 95
When Diesel skinned the Cats alive
Norm Smith and a lazy 5

Well I know we didn't cheat back then
'Coz our Captain was Sticks Kernahan.
He sang for me and youse
We are the Navy Blues

I was a lonely feral Italian drunk
Thought we never be short nine million bucks
But in the end we ran out of luck
The day our draft picks flied

The rest were singing
Bye Bye picks one and two bye
See ya Wells, see ya Goddard, poor old Barb has just cried Come on
down to the Saints, get onto the ride Coz the Blues have just blatantly
lied The Blues have just blatantly lied

Did you fiddle the books from above
Did you give Hamill a great big shove
Yes the bible* told us so.

Well, Kouta proved he's a great big Queen
And you can say much the same about Peter Dean
With a voice that came from It-al-y

And while old SOS was bending down
Darren Milburn knocked off his girly crown
Do you recall that lovely sound
The day, the Blues fans cried.

And we were laughing ?
Bye Bye to the Blues as a side
Time is fleeting
They're caught cheating
And Lance Whitnall is wide
And Tig-er fans wipe tears of joy from their eyes
Saying 'time to pay for all of those lies'
'Now lets see the same for the Pies.'

I met this bloke who loved the Blues
And I asked him for some footy news
But he just sobbed and turned away

So I went down to old Princes Park
To hang some shiit for a bit of a lark
But the fans there admitted Carlton cannot play

And on the street the Demons cheered
The Bombers laughed and the Hawkers leered
Happy words were spoken
Even Saints fans were all jokin'

And the two men that most make me sick
That mongrel Diesel and that *smile* Sticks
They stabbed poor Jack for an easy fix
The day their loyalty died.
So Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
Big Jack got stabbed in the back by Sticks
'Cause liars are the Devil's only friends.

And as I watch him on the stage
Muttering somethin' 'bout SOS's wage
No Iti born in Rome
Could run that Telstra Dome

And as the cigarette smoke rose into the day
To hide all evidence of SOS's pay
I saw Satan's presidency blown away
The day Blues' draft picks dried
So why why, Craig and Steve, tell us why
Sold us out to the League, so your arses won't fry
You've screwed up the club, the cheque book has run dry
Mick Martyn is now all we can buy.....


Tiger Legend
Jan 28, 2004
Carlton Spot The Difference/Lookalikes

Pinched this from another site, thought it was genuinely funny.

You will need to concentrate very hard to spot the difference in the following pictures:



Oct 25, 2005
Re: Carlton Spot The Difference/Lookalikes

The fatty in the first picture is not wearing any clothes?


Tiger Matchwinner
Aug 20, 2003
Re: Carlton Spot The Difference/Lookalikes

While we are making fun of Carlton, this hit my email yesterday:

Carlton Confidential

Good morning Greg,

As requested, I have updated the status report on our core group. Thanks for emailing the words to the club song in case we eventually win, but no-one can remember the tune. Kade seems to thinks it’s the same tune as the Vic Bitter commercial. Can you confirm?

All the best



ANDREW WALKER – Still in therapy from playing 22 positions in 22 weeks under Denis Pagan.

JORDAN RUSSELL – Half of our fans think it’s disrespectful to the great John Nicholls to allow Jordan Russell to meander around in the number 2 jumper. The other half think it’s disrespectful to Dominic Fotia

MARC MURPHY – Highly talented youngster who is widely regarded as the worst decision maker in the game after turning down the chance to go to Brisbane under the father/son rule.

BRYCE GIBBS – Has been nicknamed Schapelle because he’s counting the days until he’s allowed to go home.

CHRIS JUDD – Judd is severely hampered by a long term groin injury. He has lost explosive pace, can’t kick over 40 metres, is unable to turn freely and can only play 60% of game time. Still clearly the best player on the list.

KADE SIMPSON – Kade’s like the average looking bird at a party that you chat up so you know you’ve got a guaranteed root in case you can’t land something decent. Made captain till something better came along and then dropped like a Cain Ackland chest mark.

MATTHEW KREUZER – Was named as the player to lead the club out of the wilderness by our President Tricky Dicky, who the called him Matt Kruger in the same sentence. Don’t know about the kid, but for god sake keep Pratt away from the players.

JASON SADDINGTON – Sydney capped off their unforgettable Premiership win in 2005 by off-loading Jason Saddington on the Blues.

RICHARD HADLEY – The Carlton version of Richard Hadley plays footy more like Richard Hadlee the New Zealand cricket hero than Richard Hadley the Brisbane Lions Premiership player. Should only be picked if the Blues win the toss and bowl first.

CAIN ACKLAND – The story goes that when Greg Swann was woken by a call in the middle of the night and told that one of his players had been videotaped urinating on a nightclub window, he knelt by the side of his bed and prayed it was Cain Ackland.

LUKE BLACKWELL – Selected by Carlton under the father/ordinary son rule. He’s a smaller, weaker, less talented version of his father Wayne.

BRAD FISHER – Unshaven half forward flanker who could comfortably pass for one of the homeless. Broke his thumb in the pre-season after getting punched in the nose outside a soup kitchen.

SHAUN GRIGG – Loves to run with the footy. I suggest we buy him a Sherrin, drop him off on the Western Highway and hope he runs back home to Ballarat.

SETANTA O’hAILPIN – In four years the Irishman has failed to grasp even the most basic concepts of AFL football. During Round One this year he was asked to pay more attention to loose men, so after the game he went cruising for action down Commercial Road in Prahran.

AISAKE O’hAILPIN – Has learnt everything he knows about footy from his older brother. In other words he thinks the MCG can fly because it has two wings.

PAUL BOWER – Looks like ‘Curly’ Austin from the 1970’s, plays like ‘Curly’ Howard from The Three Stooges

EDDIE BETTS – If that’s the case he should have $100 on Carlton to win the spoon.

ADAM HARTLETT – The Blues new enforcer took out Cam Howat behind the play in Round One. He’s currently suspended, but will be back to take out Ricky Petterd against the Dees in Round Four.

NICK STEVENS – Typical drover’s dog who missed all of 2007 with a neck injury after spending all of 2006 looking over his shoulder for oncoming contact.

BRENDON FEVOLA – The Fevola File is now into it’s 7th bound edition. Fev had a tumultuous pre-season but told the match committee he has learnt from his mistakes. He has promised to fire up against Collingwood by taking out Dick, then follow it up against the Eagles by pissing on Glass.

CAMERON CLOKE – Getting a ruckman that Collingwood rejects is like going to Calcutta to replace your chauffeur.

HEATH SCOTLAND – Heath is a favourite in footy Dreamteams. Unfortunately for Carlton they don’t play their matches on some pimply nerd’s laptop.

JARRAD WAITE – Waite could do with a little more weight and he doesn’t have to look far. It’s hanging over the top of Nick Stevens’ shorts.

JORDAN BANNISTER – In 1954 Roger Bannister broke the four-minute mile. In 2008 Jordan Bannister is hoping to break the four-possession game.

BRET THORNTON – Tireless defender whose weekly misery is compounded by knowing that for 2 glorious days in October 2006, he was a Hawk.

RYAN HOULIHAN – The last of the four Houlihan sisters to play League football. Post-retirement he’s destined to live in the same trailer park as the Whitnall brothers

SIMON WIGGINS – For the third year running the Blues forgot to delist Wiggins because he’s so forgettable. Has played 89 games for the club and at the current rate will play his 100th in 2012.

DARREN PFEIFFER – Promising youngster who has to come to terms with the fact that Fev will never be able to spell his surname because it starts with a silent Pee.

ANDREW CARAZZO – Ball magnet with a kicking impediment. He only told the club this year that Carazzo is Italian for turnover.


Tiger Legend
Aug 19, 2004
Re: Carlton Spot The Difference/Lookalikes

All it needed was a Billy Nicholls action shot to up the degree of difficulty.


Roar Power
Apr 28, 2004
Gold Coast (SE - QLD).
Re: Carlton Spot The Difference/Lookalikes

That was beautiful. ABSOLUTELY beautiful :rofl

it belongs on PRE goldposts :rotfl


pS: is that shane kerrison in the picture under the cat?


Tiger Legend
Apr 4, 2005
Re: Carlton Spot The Difference/Lookalikes

The best bit about that is that you knew it has to be written by a Carlton supporter because he knew the team so well.

Ahhh Carlton, the only team that have been worse this decade than us.


Tiger Matchwinner
Oct 12, 2006
Re: Carlton Spot The Difference/Lookalikes

:clap :clap :clap :clap
:rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl

Awesome. Gold medal to you Royce


Tiger Legend
Mar 27, 2003
A few Fev jokes doing the e-mail rounds. The 3rd one made me chuckle.

A man, on his way home from work was stuck in traffic which was much worse than usual. Noticing a policeman walking among the stalled cars, he asked, "Officer, what's the holdup?"

The policeman says: "Brendan Fevola is so depressed about his behaviour at the Brownlow that he's stopped his car and is threatening to douse himself in petrol and set himself on fire. He says everyone hates him. His wife is leaving him and taking everything and he's going to lose his $750,000 contract at Carlton. I'm walking around taking up a collection for him."

"Oh, really?" the man says. "How much have you collected so far?"

"So far only 18 liters, but a lot of people are still siphoning.


Q: What do Fev and a bottle of beer have in common?

A: They're both empty from the neck up.


Fev is staggering home after Brownlow night when he's stopped by a policeman, who asks him "Have you any ID?" Fev replies "Bout What?"


Fev leaves the Brownlow after-party and decides he needs another drink. He staggers through the front door of a bar. Obviously drunk, he lurches up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and, with a belch, asks the bartender for a beer.

The bartender politely informs Fev that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink. He would not be served additional liquor at this bar, but could get a cab called for him.

Fev is annoyed, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool, and staggers out the front door.

A few minutes later, Fev stumbles in through the side door of the bar.

He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a beer. The bartender comes over and still politely, but more firmly, refuses to serve him due to his inebriation. Again, the bartender offers to call a cab for him.

Fev looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.

A few minutes later, Fev returns, bursts in through the back door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits, and belligerently orders a beer.

The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds him that he is clearly drunk, will not be served a drink and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.

Fev looks at the bartender and yells at him in a rage, "Man! How many bars do you work at?"