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Roos Widen Search for New Coach

Tony Braxton-Hicks

It's Tiger Time!
Aug 10, 2004
The Playboy Mansion
Roos Widen Search for New Coach

By Laurel Norf for

North Melbourne’s loss to fellow finals aspirant Essendon last weekend has cast doubt on interim coach Rhys Shaw’s credentials to continue in the role beyond this year.

When Sydney coach John Longmire rejected the Kangaroos to remain with the Swans, the club’s Plan B had been to open its war chest with a Godfather offer to win an anticipated bidding war for rookie coach Shaw.

“However, the loss to Essendon proved he’s no supercoach,” said a member of North's coaching selection subcommittee. “In fact, we now think he might just be a bald-headed flog,” Brad Scott said.

Scott said that his subcommittee has now appointed an external consultant to lead the search for the ideal man to lead the club, with social media expert Dixie Normess setting up a profile for the club on Tinder, Grindr and Edelsten.

However, Normess said the task ahead would be difficult. “All the good men are taken,” she said. “For instance, I swiped right on a guy named Horse, but he’s already ghosted me.”

“There was another who led me to believe he was into body piercing, but ‘Bolt-On’ turned out to be just a silly little kid.”

“I also swiped right on a chap who said he was a ‘lion’ but from his history it’s obvious he doesn’t know how to score.”

“I also approached a weary old man in the hope he’d be looking for one last fling before the Viagra stops working for good, but he said his current club had unrivalled access to anti-ageing products.”

Normess said “‘Hardwick’ sounds like he has the right attributes,” while “‘Roos’ even changed his name to match the club’s mascot. I’m not sure if that’s cute or creepy!”

For now, however, Normess said the frontrunner was Roos coach Brad Scott. “By coincidence he’s on North's selection subcommittee too, and he seems to know a lot about our list,” she said. “He seems like the perfect match!”
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Delisted Free Agent
Nov 8, 2005
:D. Until bald headed flog I was convinced it was the real deal.
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Tiger Matchwinner
Sep 8, 2014
Nata , Botswana
I will coach North .. give me a Mill plus slary and I will make sure they performed as well as they did under Scott ( which was crap ) and also always make sure they loose to Richmond


Chimp's Love of the Tiger
Oct 16, 2003

Dixie Normess....that had me in tears like a crazy man.

Your best for a while TBH!!
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We won!!!!!
Jun 8, 2006
I will coach North .. give me a Mill plus slary and I will make sure they performed as well as they did under Scott ( which was crap ) and also always make sure they loose to Richmond
"We can only pay celery I'm afraid, Mr. Pete"
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Tiger Cub
Oct 3, 2014
You really couldn't see anyone swiping right on poor Richo. As vanilla as they come. I can't believe he's been in the job for 6 years. Hardly noticed him.