Welcome to Subiaco oval for the big round 22 clash between the West Coast Eagles and the Tigers. Your commentators this afternoon are Bruce McAvaney, Dennis Cometti and myself, the Big Ox. Both teams are locked on four wins for the season each and are looking to finish the year off in style.
Its fair to say, Ox, that both teams went into the season optimistically, but are finishing it off misty, optically.
Fair enough, Dennis. I’ll think that’s funny when I get it tomorrow morning. The umpires are dressed in their polka dot outfits today, Bruce. This is, of course, Bozo Round, celebrating the great contributions made by all the clowns who sit on the various AFL committees.
Ox, this is the first time in the history of any sport outside of the Tour de France that an athlete, or official, or supporter for that matter, has worn a polka dot outfit. That will go around the world on CNN.
Here we go. Umpire Ray Ray holds the ball aloft to signal the start of the big game. The timekeepers ring the bell and Ray Ray pounds the pill into the turf. It rises upright, defying gravity for a moment until the irresistible pull brings it back.
I’m excited, Ox. Are you as excited as I am?
Hey, where are the ruckmen? Aren’t they supposed to be here to contest this bounce? In fact where are any of the players? What’s going on? I’m so confused.
There’s a bit of activity in the Richmond goal-square. Looks like the boys have started up a game of poker. This could get interesting. Richo has pocket aces, his eyes lit up like Paris Hilton spotting a waterbed when he peeked at his cards. Only problem is, the Big Q has the same thing. Richo thinks he’s part of the Yoko Ono fan club but little does he know.
It’s like Ben Johnson and Carl Lewis in the 100m final at Seoul all over again.
What’s happening on the wing, boys? Looks like Ben Cousins and Andrew Embley are choosing teams. Cuz has a Cricket Bat under his arm and Embley has a tennis ball. Starting up a game of French Cricket, I’d say. Deledio first picked, then Hurn. Yep, definitely French Cricket.
Ox, the last time French Cricket was played an Australian arena was on the MCG in 1956, when the Belgian Olympic team had a training run on the hallowed turf. It’s been a long time. Its happening now, though. Special!
Let’s hang around to see who is the last one picked. Just as I thought, Jordan McMahon. You get the feeling that this game is going to come down to the last McMahon standing!
Looks like there’s been some controversy on the West Coast interchange bench. Over to our boundary rider, Ricky Olarenshaw.
Ox, I seen it, but I don’t believe it. The West Coast boys got a bit bored watching the game so they sent one of the assistant coaches to the Bar to get them some beers. He came back with four cups in one of those cardboard holders and placed the four beers on the massage table, in a line. Then Jake King, sprinted over from the Tigers bench, jumped up on the table and kicked them all off, before running away, laughing and shouting maniacally: “I’ll take youse all on, I’ll take youse all on.”
That was exquisite, simply exquisite. Little Jakie King is one of my very favourite players. He’s simply exquisite.
He had less room than Ralph Fiennes in an aeroplane bathroom to execute that manouvre.
What a game! It looks like the Indiginous boys have made a camp-fire in the other goal-square and are toasting marshmallows.
They remind me of Cathy Freeman at the 2000 Olympics when she sat down after winning the 400 metres. What a legend, what a champion!
Does anyone know why the Selwood boys have that cake tin?
Mrs Selwood baked a lovely cake for the boys to enjoy at half-time. Delicious…………
Its fair to say, Ox, that both teams went into the season optimistically, but are finishing it off misty, optically.
Fair enough, Dennis. I’ll think that’s funny when I get it tomorrow morning. The umpires are dressed in their polka dot outfits today, Bruce. This is, of course, Bozo Round, celebrating the great contributions made by all the clowns who sit on the various AFL committees.
Ox, this is the first time in the history of any sport outside of the Tour de France that an athlete, or official, or supporter for that matter, has worn a polka dot outfit. That will go around the world on CNN.
Here we go. Umpire Ray Ray holds the ball aloft to signal the start of the big game. The timekeepers ring the bell and Ray Ray pounds the pill into the turf. It rises upright, defying gravity for a moment until the irresistible pull brings it back.
I’m excited, Ox. Are you as excited as I am?
Hey, where are the ruckmen? Aren’t they supposed to be here to contest this bounce? In fact where are any of the players? What’s going on? I’m so confused.
There’s a bit of activity in the Richmond goal-square. Looks like the boys have started up a game of poker. This could get interesting. Richo has pocket aces, his eyes lit up like Paris Hilton spotting a waterbed when he peeked at his cards. Only problem is, the Big Q has the same thing. Richo thinks he’s part of the Yoko Ono fan club but little does he know.
It’s like Ben Johnson and Carl Lewis in the 100m final at Seoul all over again.
What’s happening on the wing, boys? Looks like Ben Cousins and Andrew Embley are choosing teams. Cuz has a Cricket Bat under his arm and Embley has a tennis ball. Starting up a game of French Cricket, I’d say. Deledio first picked, then Hurn. Yep, definitely French Cricket.
Ox, the last time French Cricket was played an Australian arena was on the MCG in 1956, when the Belgian Olympic team had a training run on the hallowed turf. It’s been a long time. Its happening now, though. Special!
Let’s hang around to see who is the last one picked. Just as I thought, Jordan McMahon. You get the feeling that this game is going to come down to the last McMahon standing!
Looks like there’s been some controversy on the West Coast interchange bench. Over to our boundary rider, Ricky Olarenshaw.
Ox, I seen it, but I don’t believe it. The West Coast boys got a bit bored watching the game so they sent one of the assistant coaches to the Bar to get them some beers. He came back with four cups in one of those cardboard holders and placed the four beers on the massage table, in a line. Then Jake King, sprinted over from the Tigers bench, jumped up on the table and kicked them all off, before running away, laughing and shouting maniacally: “I’ll take youse all on, I’ll take youse all on.”
That was exquisite, simply exquisite. Little Jakie King is one of my very favourite players. He’s simply exquisite.
He had less room than Ralph Fiennes in an aeroplane bathroom to execute that manouvre.
What a game! It looks like the Indiginous boys have made a camp-fire in the other goal-square and are toasting marshmallows.
They remind me of Cathy Freeman at the 2000 Olympics when she sat down after winning the 400 metres. What a legend, what a champion!
Does anyone know why the Selwood boys have that cake tin?
Mrs Selwood baked a lovely cake for the boys to enjoy at half-time. Delicious…………
