PUNT ROAD END | Richmond Tigers Forum

Here’s a fine game. Open up your word processing programme and type in Stephen Bradbury. Check synonyms. Waddya get?

Fluke, miracle, stroke of luck, bizarre and totally undeserved good fortune? Yeah. That’s what I get.

Now check antonyms. This is a classic. Mine says Michael Kinane.

Many of you will remember that Michael Kinane rode Vintage Crop to a cracking Melbourne Cup win in 1993. Not many will remember that he slaughtered the horse in victory and only the students will remember that Kinane absolutely murdered his prospects in 1994. He should have won that cup. And in 1995 Kinane rode the horse so badly that even if he’d had a penalty for winning the previous cup (and an Australian jockey – say, Oliver) he’d have won that one by two.

BTW next time Dermot Weld had a cup chance he booked Damien Oliver to ride and duly got the prize by a lazy three.

But you can’t change history. Vintage Crop might very well have won three Melbourne Cups but for Dermot Weld (who booked the known leper, Michael Kinane) and of course the legendary Thesaurus entry himself – Michael Kinane.

And let's not forget that nobody who follows form backed Vintage Crop to win his next two Melbourne Cup starts. The pony’s first win was very much in spite of Kinane’s riding. And it said there in black and white in the formguide that Michael Kinane would be riding him again.

This is the stuff of history. Never to be forgotten success and failure.

But keep an eye on your Thesaurus, students. Bradbury is safe. Don’t worry about him. But Kinane is in a lot of strife. Mark “Bomber” Thompson just coached the worst grand final in the modern era.

Let me prove this.

“Bomber” as he used to be affectionately known prior to his new listing in the Thesaurus as a historic benchmark of failure, had a few advantages going in to the game.

He knew that his first ruck, being the 2nd best in the AFL, would fully nullify Campbell and would usually give his mids an advantage. That’s a plus.

He knew that his mids were classes better than their opponents. Some of us might think that Bartel is his number two mid but even Dumbo Bomber knows that Cameron Ling will absolutely destroy Sam Mitchell. And he knows that Ablett junior will make a terrible mess of notorious impostor, Chance Bateman. And Jordan Lewis will be and was hopelessly outclassed. So his team will cream #1 ruck and numbers #1, 2 and 3 mid.

Then there’s the huge advantage of mass that his team enjoyed at the contests. Geelong was simply too big for Bateman, Ladson, Young, Sissy and Pansy.

That’s a pretty big headstart in a GF, eh?

But more had to be learned.

Hawthorn’s ball use in the lead up finals was brilliant. And their discipline in sticking to formation and team rules was sensational. Time for some respect.

That’s not to say that the Hawks were invincible. Even lowly teams like Richmond had dismantled their game with a possession/frequent switch plan. And if you weren’t sure before I reckon you can see now that they are a light running unit. Inevitably, they struggle against physical mass.

IF New Bench Mark “in failure” Thompson had done his homework, respected his opponent and put tactics in place to overcome them, his team would have controlled the ball for longer (having won it convincingly at the contests) and switched it frequently to expose Hawthorn’s zone - once they tire (and it only takes one to drop off) the Cats should have driven the ball along the open side and spotted up a lead. Geelong players are geniuses at this.

Instead the Cats challenged the zone by hand through the middle and almost always sent the ball in to CHF or C3/4F under pressure and in the air to the waiting Hawthorn cluster.

Now let’s see. They can’t get a kick. (I'm talking about the reigning premier here.) Should we deny them the ball by spotting up targets or bomb the bloody thing to five of them? Tough question? Not for idiots but too hard for Mark “Bomber” Thompson.

Now let us speak of the normally unmentionable body language. What a bloke says is normally far more important than how he says it. On average. Which is why body language is usually of interest only to idiots.

If your players are not executing your plans and it’s costing you a Grand Final you might be a bit peeved. This is the time to let go if you are. Mark “Bomber” Thompson can get videos of David Parkin or Tony Jewell if he’s not sure of how to communicate with lazy or stupid footballers. (If he hasn’t studied the form that’s his fault.)

One doesn’t shrug one’s shoulders unless one is a toff in which case what the *smile* is one doing in the *smile* coach’s box?

One screams. One murders. One goes completely mental.

But not Mark “The Toff” “Bomber” Thompson. He was giving a little “C’est la vie”. (Speaks French – a toff.) Legend has it that Ned Kelly’s final words were to that effect. Let me tell ya. Up front and fer free. They hanged the wrong bloke.

Urban legend is that if they raise the minimum weight for horses by 6kgs only half the current jockeys are at the dole office; the rest get lost from an inside alley.

I tell ya this, if there was no rule that you have to be a former AFL player to coach an AFL team Mark “Bomber” Thompson would be crying his eyes out outside the Royal Melbourne Show employment office. Too dumb to be a carnie.

And that makes him historic. You see, he wasn't riding Vintage Crop. He’ was riding Makybe Diva.

Give it a day or so. Then check your Thesaurus. Mark "Bomber" Thompson just set a new benchmark in getting a certainty beaten.

Not working? Try leper.