Why all the uproar about the drafting of Kent Kingsley? It was already forecast by Kane Johnson in an interview with Caro in the Age, just as Captain Kane was first to publicly identify the players to be given their marching orders. Kane is obviously the man in the know at Richmond, and keen to ensure the long-suffering supporters don't get kept in the dark. With this in mind, PRE's intrepid reporter sat down with 'Sugar' to get all the inside information on the key issues down at Tigerland.
PRE: New rookie Jake King has stated that he hates pasta and would much rather gobble down some KFC. What will the club be doing to point him in the nutritional direction required of an elite sportsman?
Sugar: Look, I'm the captain, and what I say goes. So if I say we're having pasta, we're having pasta, and that's that. This kid can whinge and moan all he likes but I'll sit at the table until he finishes it -- all night if I have to. And he'd better get used to the idea of "no vegetables, no dessert" as well.
PRE: Why do Richmond have to play home games at Telstra Dome when the supporters all hate it?
Sugar: What do you mean, "the supporters all hate it"? We sent out a survey to all the members, and one hundred per cent opted for Telstra Dome over the MCG. The problem is, with so many clubs playing at Docklands, we had to settle for a 3/8 split. So to the guy who bothered to fill out the survey, Ian I think his name was, we did our best mate. And we're still looking into your idea of holding a rave party down at the Punt Road Oval.
PRE: How many questions will David Clayton ask at the AGM next week?
Sugar: Five. I mean, we're all for "transparency" and all the rest of it, so we'll let people ask questions, no matter how silly or how much of a tangent they go off on -- but that bastard would ask two hundred and five if he got the chance. So after five, that's it, I give the nod and two big steroid monkeys confront him and take away the microphone, and we all get to go home before Australia Day.
PRE: Have the club talked to you about your habit of being so candid in public?
Sugar: Like I said, I'm the captain, and what I say goes. So Tony Greenberg, nice bloke and everything, but unfortunately we're going to have to let him go. I'll be handling all the PR from now on. 'Tuesdays with Terry' is cancelled until further notice, and I'll be hosting 'Straight-out with Sugar' every week. The thing that made this club great in the past was simplicity, you know, kick it long, kick it to Royce, all that sort of stuff. None of this pissing about with 'positive spin' any more, just the truth, and nothing but the truth.
PRE: So why did we get Kent Kingsley then? Is it going to be a case of 'kick it to Kent'?
Sugar: Not if we can help it. The truth is this: you know how we made a record profit this year? It's all down to some bloke from out West who was our major benefactor this year, some nut who wants to be called Santa or something. Anyway, who cares, if he wants to be called Santa we'll call him Santa 'cos we've got debts to service and can't afford to be fussy, although we could do without his little acolyte, Craig Somebody, ringing up all the time and leaving the same message again and again on Greg Miller's answerphone. So, yeah, this Santa nut offers to pump lots of cash into the club, but on one condition. No problem, we need the money, what is it? He says we need to always have at least three bona fide duds on our list. Not blokes with question marks, just out and out duds. He gets off on bagging the *smile* out of them or something. All for having thirty-five champions who'll win us back-to-back flags, just as long as we have three duds. And we take the cash and it's all sweet. But then he gets this Craig Somebody to get in touch with us. Says he's concerned there aren't enough duds on our list. Lots of blokes with question marks, and he says they'll bag those anyway, but we'd want to get another bona fide dud on our list quick smart or the deal's off. Can you imagine, David Clayton finding out, and knowing that prick he'd ask about it in the first five questions. Record profit down the drain and egg all over our faces. So we have to think quick, and that's where Greg Miller comes in. Forget the Clokes, forget Troy Schwarze, forget Zantuck, forget getting some kid from the under-18s who might end up being a champion. Kent Kingsley's available and everyone's happy. Halfway through next year, contract extension, and it's all too easy. Smart man, Greg, and that's why he gets the big bucks.
PRE: Thanks for being so candid, Sugar.
Sugar: Any time. And don't forget 'Straight-out with Sugar', all through the 2007 season. It might be the awful truth, but *smile*, someone has to say these things.
PRE: New rookie Jake King has stated that he hates pasta and would much rather gobble down some KFC. What will the club be doing to point him in the nutritional direction required of an elite sportsman?
Sugar: Look, I'm the captain, and what I say goes. So if I say we're having pasta, we're having pasta, and that's that. This kid can whinge and moan all he likes but I'll sit at the table until he finishes it -- all night if I have to. And he'd better get used to the idea of "no vegetables, no dessert" as well.
PRE: Why do Richmond have to play home games at Telstra Dome when the supporters all hate it?
Sugar: What do you mean, "the supporters all hate it"? We sent out a survey to all the members, and one hundred per cent opted for Telstra Dome over the MCG. The problem is, with so many clubs playing at Docklands, we had to settle for a 3/8 split. So to the guy who bothered to fill out the survey, Ian I think his name was, we did our best mate. And we're still looking into your idea of holding a rave party down at the Punt Road Oval.
PRE: How many questions will David Clayton ask at the AGM next week?
Sugar: Five. I mean, we're all for "transparency" and all the rest of it, so we'll let people ask questions, no matter how silly or how much of a tangent they go off on -- but that bastard would ask two hundred and five if he got the chance. So after five, that's it, I give the nod and two big steroid monkeys confront him and take away the microphone, and we all get to go home before Australia Day.
PRE: Have the club talked to you about your habit of being so candid in public?
Sugar: Like I said, I'm the captain, and what I say goes. So Tony Greenberg, nice bloke and everything, but unfortunately we're going to have to let him go. I'll be handling all the PR from now on. 'Tuesdays with Terry' is cancelled until further notice, and I'll be hosting 'Straight-out with Sugar' every week. The thing that made this club great in the past was simplicity, you know, kick it long, kick it to Royce, all that sort of stuff. None of this pissing about with 'positive spin' any more, just the truth, and nothing but the truth.
PRE: So why did we get Kent Kingsley then? Is it going to be a case of 'kick it to Kent'?
Sugar: Not if we can help it. The truth is this: you know how we made a record profit this year? It's all down to some bloke from out West who was our major benefactor this year, some nut who wants to be called Santa or something. Anyway, who cares, if he wants to be called Santa we'll call him Santa 'cos we've got debts to service and can't afford to be fussy, although we could do without his little acolyte, Craig Somebody, ringing up all the time and leaving the same message again and again on Greg Miller's answerphone. So, yeah, this Santa nut offers to pump lots of cash into the club, but on one condition. No problem, we need the money, what is it? He says we need to always have at least three bona fide duds on our list. Not blokes with question marks, just out and out duds. He gets off on bagging the *smile* out of them or something. All for having thirty-five champions who'll win us back-to-back flags, just as long as we have three duds. And we take the cash and it's all sweet. But then he gets this Craig Somebody to get in touch with us. Says he's concerned there aren't enough duds on our list. Lots of blokes with question marks, and he says they'll bag those anyway, but we'd want to get another bona fide dud on our list quick smart or the deal's off. Can you imagine, David Clayton finding out, and knowing that prick he'd ask about it in the first five questions. Record profit down the drain and egg all over our faces. So we have to think quick, and that's where Greg Miller comes in. Forget the Clokes, forget Troy Schwarze, forget Zantuck, forget getting some kid from the under-18s who might end up being a champion. Kent Kingsley's available and everyone's happy. Halfway through next year, contract extension, and it's all too easy. Smart man, Greg, and that's why he gets the big bucks.
PRE: Thanks for being so candid, Sugar.
Sugar: Any time. And don't forget 'Straight-out with Sugar', all through the 2007 season. It might be the awful truth, but *smile*, someone has to say these things.
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