I’m sure that you’ve heard all those old jokes about guys dying and going to heaven, complete with the clichés about St Peter and the pearly gates.
Well, it’s not like that at all when someone dies. Heaven is actually a hotel on Waikiki Beach. You go there, St Peter greets you at reception and tells you the number of the floor on which you will spend eternity. The higher up you are sent, the more sins you must have on your soul.
So Phantom dies and goes to Heaven Hotel on Waikiki. He introduces himself to St Peter, who looks him up in the book and directs him to the 21st floor. It is with great trepidation that he enters the lift and walks down the corridor to his room. He knocks nervously and hears a gruff voice: “You may enter.”
Inside, God is sitting on a silver chair. The only other piece of furniture in the room is an enormous bed with black satin sheets. God says nothing, just ignores him. There is a second door into the room and finally it opens. In walks a completely naked woman. She is overweight, with straggly, unwashed hair. Several of her teeth are missing and she has warts all over her face and hands.
God turns to Phantom and says: “Phantom, for all your earthly sins, you must spend eternity with this woman.”
Soon CCTiger dies and goes to the hotel. St Peter shakes his head and sends him to the 31st floor. He is greeted by the same picture, God sitting on a silver chair and a bed with black satin sheets. Presently, another naked woman walks into the room. She is truly obese, a genuine rival to Jabba the Hut. She has all her teeth but they are chipped and green. Her unwashed state goes far beyond her hair and three bloated flies buzz slowly around her head, their wings straining against their unnatural weight.
God turns to CCTiger and says: “CCTiger, for all your earthly sins, you must spend eternity with this woman.”
Craig dies next. He waltzes into Heaven on Waikiki like he hasn’t a care in the world. St Peter is expecting him and sends him straight to the 151st floor. He strolls into the room and God is waiting. Lying on the bed, resplendent in all her glory, is a very gorgeous Jennifer Hawkins, completely outfitted in sexy lingerie.
God turns to her and says: “Jennifer Hawkins, for all your earthly sins, you must spend eternity with this man.”
Well, it’s not like that at all when someone dies. Heaven is actually a hotel on Waikiki Beach. You go there, St Peter greets you at reception and tells you the number of the floor on which you will spend eternity. The higher up you are sent, the more sins you must have on your soul.
So Phantom dies and goes to Heaven Hotel on Waikiki. He introduces himself to St Peter, who looks him up in the book and directs him to the 21st floor. It is with great trepidation that he enters the lift and walks down the corridor to his room. He knocks nervously and hears a gruff voice: “You may enter.”
Inside, God is sitting on a silver chair. The only other piece of furniture in the room is an enormous bed with black satin sheets. God says nothing, just ignores him. There is a second door into the room and finally it opens. In walks a completely naked woman. She is overweight, with straggly, unwashed hair. Several of her teeth are missing and she has warts all over her face and hands.
God turns to Phantom and says: “Phantom, for all your earthly sins, you must spend eternity with this woman.”
Soon CCTiger dies and goes to the hotel. St Peter shakes his head and sends him to the 31st floor. He is greeted by the same picture, God sitting on a silver chair and a bed with black satin sheets. Presently, another naked woman walks into the room. She is truly obese, a genuine rival to Jabba the Hut. She has all her teeth but they are chipped and green. Her unwashed state goes far beyond her hair and three bloated flies buzz slowly around her head, their wings straining against their unnatural weight.
God turns to CCTiger and says: “CCTiger, for all your earthly sins, you must spend eternity with this woman.”
Craig dies next. He waltzes into Heaven on Waikiki like he hasn’t a care in the world. St Peter is expecting him and sends him straight to the 151st floor. He strolls into the room and God is waiting. Lying on the bed, resplendent in all her glory, is a very gorgeous Jennifer Hawkins, completely outfitted in sexy lingerie.
God turns to her and says: “Jennifer Hawkins, for all your earthly sins, you must spend eternity with this man.”
