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The truth about Rory By Cogs


Sing it Loud
Dec 17, 2002
Punt Road Oval
The truth about Rory
4:00:39 PM Wed 30 April, 2003

From the outset, can I just say that things between Rory Hilton and myself have in no way, shape or form ever been unpleasant. Yet, after the hammering I received in a recent article on the Club's official website, written by the great man himself, I've had to question whether indeed this was the case!!!

Can I also add that the most important thing in my life is definitely NOT my hair, although I did have an unfortunate incident of late, (if anyone knows a good hairdresser, please let me know). I've never seen a solarium nor used 'orange plaster'. I am literate, can hold a conversation,
and I'm not from the planet Melmac, - my mum can vouch for me there!

Agreed, I suppose I'm not one to talk too much. I don't express myself in a loud or boisterous type fashion, preferring to take a bit of a back seat. One would then wonder why the hell I'm doing this, but after clippings of the article made their way into the Pulse column in the Herald-Sun last week, I thought it was time to make a stand . . .

Speaking to Darren Gaspar and Matty Rogers, victims also of Rory Hilton's 'poison pen', we agreed a right of reply was in order. May seem like sour grapes, but I'm sure all those Richmond fans out there would like to know a bit more about the man who wears the No. 1 guernsey at Tigerland . . .

There are probably one or two guys at every club who are good at hanging it on blokes. Don't get me wrong, you need a little banter, particularly around a footy club, where only the 'tough' survive. The best I've ever seen was Aaron James, who I only got to know in my first year at Richmond, but apart from him, 'Hilts' reigns supreme in this area. Preying on the "weak and innocent", he'll attack at any opportunity. If there's nothing new, Hilts will often resort to the size of Rogo's hands (which, admittedly, are small) or the color of Bidder's hair (which is extremely red).

You don't want to get involved in a slanging match with him because, more often than not, you'll come off second best. But for someone who doesn't mind serving it up, it has to be said -- he certainly can't take it! Known by all his teammates as a whinger, Rory has an amazing ability to spit the dummy no matter what the situation.

Former house-mate and nemesis Aaron Fiora recalls that up to three times a week Rory would lock himself in his room and sulk -- usually after a loss in table tennis where arguments would roar and bats fly. Aaron, of course, would have cheated.

I pity the likes of Gaspar, Duncan Kellaway, Rogers and Brad Ottens who are in close proximity to Hilts' locker. Listening to the sob stories and taking turns in picking up Rory's bottom lip is difficult to say the least. That's how big 'Otto' injured his back in the first place . . .

Now, I shouldn't mention it on the Tigers' website, as it is a sensitive issue with
Hilts, but he suffers from a skin disease like the one that has embroiled famous pop star Michael Jackson in controversy. The disease attacks cells, to unfortunately turn the skin a pasty, white-like color. It can be quite a problem, particularly in the pre-season where the weather is obviously warmer and Rory is forced to slog out the hard sessions in a full body suit, similar to that we saw Australian swimming champion Ian Thorpe wear in the water . . . a true inspiration.

Fortunately, the lack of hair on his body through constant waxing at the local beauty salon -- recommended by the medicos to reduce the effects of perspiration and, consequently, dehydration -- provides some comfort in what is an already difficult situation. Rory had to cancel his yearly trips to Queensland (no wonder he had to leave the Brisbane Lions!) and cannot come out of the house in the summer months without the body suit. He describes it as like living in a bubble -- and for good reason. With his skin being so white -- almost a purple, cellulose-type color -- Rory is understandably envious of anyone who tans and quite often accuses the likes of Gaspar, Tivendale and myself of going to solariums. Sort of small-man syndrome, only skin-related.

Unfortunately, the skin problems don't end there. Before becoming ghost-like in appearance, Rory, while growing up, suffered from the effects of acne. Apparently he didn't get the pimples in areas that the average teenager did -- the face and back -- but on his backside. After years of constant squeezing, however, the problem has died down and Rory is left with a dimple-type effect on his bum . . . just try and picture two very large golf-balls.

A frequently asked question from Richmond supporters is, 'what color is Rory Hilton's hair'? I know I shouldn't be commenting on this area, but the fact of the matter is he is a red-head . . . 'ginger nuts' . . . 'Bluey'. In constant denial of this fact, Rory has succumbed to the bottle of peroxide, claiming that his natural color is indeed blond. However, old footage of Rory playing for the Murray Bushrangers highlight the real truth -- a clear shade of red. You then have to question why he would attack one of his own in Craig Biddiscombe? Is it insecurity? Perhaps vanity? I'm not sure, but before accusing others of this, I think he should have a look in his own backyard!

It would also be good if he could open his wallet up once in a while . . . When we go to our popular little eating place, Timbale, for lunch, 'Hilts' will drive around the back streets until he finds a free park, even if it is miles away. Also, he just will not take his long-time girlfriend, Kate, to Club functions (ie the Auction last Saturday night) because he has to pay for her. To further highlight his frugal nature, he has run out of fuel in his car three times in the past couple of months -- once on top of the Westgate Bridge.

There are plenty more stories I could elaborate on, but if the friendship is to stay in tact, I might just have to bite my lip. Who knows, perhaps we may not hear from Rory for a while. Anyway, thanks for taking the time in reading my article about the man behind the mouth . .


Tiger Legend
Mar 27, 2003
Funny stuff Cogs.
You get the feeling things are going well at Tigerland this year. The renewed spirit and comeraderie between the guys both on and off the field is pretty obvious.
Long may it continue. :D


Tiger Superstar
Jan 14, 2003
Onya Mark.

I knew Mark didn't need any artificial colouring, preservatives or additives to enhance him. He's perfect just the way he is. :)