THE RORY STORY:Cogs -- from the stars to stardom
11:19:26 AM Thu 24 April, 2003
richmondfc.com.au
We're only a few rounds into the 2003 season, but I think that it's fair to say that Mark Coughlan's form is as good as anyone's in the competition. This is no surprise, considering how hard he worked over the pre-season.
But to be honest, I am not here to talk about on-field matters -- I wish to shed some light on the Mark Coughlan that you don’t see running around the football field, gathering possessions at will.
Mark is a very quiet person off the field, not saying too much at all. We all thought that this was due to his shyness and genuinely quite nature. In recent times, however, we have come to understand the real reason that he doesn’t talk much -- it's due to his lack of ability to have a conversation with you. He goes off on these tangents and half the time he has no idea what you are even talking about.
Mark will tell you that he came to Richmond from Perth, but if you read the finer print it actually says that he was drafted from the Melmac under-18s. If you're not sure where Melmac is, either ask Darren Gaspar, or have a look high up into the sky at night with a telescope. It's up there somewhere near the stars . . .
Another of Mark’s lesser qualities is his vanity. If he is not looking back at the reflection in the mirror, he is having a shower without getting his hair wet. His hair seems to be his pride and joy. It is very fortunate for 'Cogs' that the Club's major sponsor the TAC has impressed the importance of safe driving on everyone at Tigerland because I witnessed an occasion that could have ended Mark's and his passenger’s lives while he was driving. He was so fixed on his hair in the mirror that he momentarily forgot to look at the road (which is pretty important when driving) and nearly crashed into on-coming traffic.
He loves his hair a great deal and, only recently, caused himself great distress when he made a mistake while he was touching it up to make it a little blonder. If you look closely at it, you'll know where he messed it up. If you can’t tell at first glance, I reckon that if you look at the eyebrows, it might be an advantage.
Mark is so vain that he has got he-va written all over him. A he-va is the male equivalent of a diva. If you are still not sure, think of Derrick Zoolander the famous American model or, if at all possible, picture Jennifer Lopez as a male.
When Mark first moved to Richmond he had a lot of trouble with the lack of sun. This really upset Mark because he thinks he looks a lot healthier with a bit of a tan so, of course, he went off to the solarium, as all models do. He has even resorted to putting wet orange plaster, otherwise known as fake tan, all over his body.
I think that’s enough from me this time and with a bit of luck I'll live through another article being put on the Club's website and I’ll be back to give you more from inside the Tiger change-rooms soon . . .
11:19:26 AM Thu 24 April, 2003
richmondfc.com.au
We're only a few rounds into the 2003 season, but I think that it's fair to say that Mark Coughlan's form is as good as anyone's in the competition. This is no surprise, considering how hard he worked over the pre-season.
But to be honest, I am not here to talk about on-field matters -- I wish to shed some light on the Mark Coughlan that you don’t see running around the football field, gathering possessions at will.
Mark is a very quiet person off the field, not saying too much at all. We all thought that this was due to his shyness and genuinely quite nature. In recent times, however, we have come to understand the real reason that he doesn’t talk much -- it's due to his lack of ability to have a conversation with you. He goes off on these tangents and half the time he has no idea what you are even talking about.
Mark will tell you that he came to Richmond from Perth, but if you read the finer print it actually says that he was drafted from the Melmac under-18s. If you're not sure where Melmac is, either ask Darren Gaspar, or have a look high up into the sky at night with a telescope. It's up there somewhere near the stars . . .
Another of Mark’s lesser qualities is his vanity. If he is not looking back at the reflection in the mirror, he is having a shower without getting his hair wet. His hair seems to be his pride and joy. It is very fortunate for 'Cogs' that the Club's major sponsor the TAC has impressed the importance of safe driving on everyone at Tigerland because I witnessed an occasion that could have ended Mark's and his passenger’s lives while he was driving. He was so fixed on his hair in the mirror that he momentarily forgot to look at the road (which is pretty important when driving) and nearly crashed into on-coming traffic.
He loves his hair a great deal and, only recently, caused himself great distress when he made a mistake while he was touching it up to make it a little blonder. If you look closely at it, you'll know where he messed it up. If you can’t tell at first glance, I reckon that if you look at the eyebrows, it might be an advantage.
Mark is so vain that he has got he-va written all over him. A he-va is the male equivalent of a diva. If you are still not sure, think of Derrick Zoolander the famous American model or, if at all possible, picture Jennifer Lopez as a male.
When Mark first moved to Richmond he had a lot of trouble with the lack of sun. This really upset Mark because he thinks he looks a lot healthier with a bit of a tan so, of course, he went off to the solarium, as all models do. He has even resorted to putting wet orange plaster, otherwise known as fake tan, all over his body.
I think that’s enough from me this time and with a bit of luck I'll live through another article being put on the Club's website and I’ll be back to give you more from inside the Tiger change-rooms soon . . .
