[original idea/words by TigerBlood]
from www.puntroad.com
Having been recently promoted to Attorney General, you would have thought things couldn't get much better for debonair, yet compassionate, Coalition firebrand Phillip Ruddock. But the Liberal headkicker shocked everyone with news of his involvement in yet another off-season coup at Tigerland.
Football operations guru Greg Hutchison today announced that Ruddock had been signed for three years as the Tigers' Specialist Motivation Coach. Ruddock, noted for his fiery parliamentary oratory and blistering rhetorical performances in the media, was *smile*-a-hoop about the new appointment.
"Improved performance outcomes have been identified within the organisation and throughout the fan-base as an area of ongoing concern. A process of heightened desire on the part of players in relation to
availing themselves of the ball in game-day situations will have a beneficial effect with regards to scoreboard pressure, and that is something that we seek to address through continued liaison between departmental staff and on-field personnel."
Asked whether he would be playing a mid-week role in addition to his game-day duties, Ruddock was at his fire-and-brimstone best in outlining what he had to offer the Tigers. "There are possibilities and
potentialities that will, in due time, and through the appropriate channels, be explored with respect to my involvement in the repositioning of witches hats in accordance with sanctioned training drills. The dissection and distribution of fruity material such as oranges or other citrus produce is another operational directive that can be further enhanced as a result of regular consultation between my office and the coaching authorities."
Sources close to the club revealed that Ruddock was handpicked for the role after seeing the effects of Ruddock's concerted efforts to lift the spirits of hundreds of migrants seeking asylum from political, religious and economic un-rest through out the world.
"Yeah, look it was his tough love statements that bought him to our attention. These people [refugees]have been through an absolutly crap couple of years. What they needed was to be told that they were rubbish and could they please go back to where-ever they came from. If Richmond Football Club players can't relate to that experience then I'm not only a monkey's uncle, I'm his aunt too. Ruddock's got it right. The best way to get someone on the right track is to tell them to rack off back home, even if it is a hole or a cave or whatever. He's perfect for our club and I'm sure a lot of Tiger fans will back us up on this appointment. After all, he's only doing what a lot of them already say."
Rugged utility Kayne Pettifer reflected the players' sense of excitement at the new appointment. "He tells it like it is - straight up. The players know where they stand, or in my case, sit."
[props to TigerBlood]
from www.puntroad.com
Having been recently promoted to Attorney General, you would have thought things couldn't get much better for debonair, yet compassionate, Coalition firebrand Phillip Ruddock. But the Liberal headkicker shocked everyone with news of his involvement in yet another off-season coup at Tigerland.
Football operations guru Greg Hutchison today announced that Ruddock had been signed for three years as the Tigers' Specialist Motivation Coach. Ruddock, noted for his fiery parliamentary oratory and blistering rhetorical performances in the media, was *smile*-a-hoop about the new appointment.
"Improved performance outcomes have been identified within the organisation and throughout the fan-base as an area of ongoing concern. A process of heightened desire on the part of players in relation to
availing themselves of the ball in game-day situations will have a beneficial effect with regards to scoreboard pressure, and that is something that we seek to address through continued liaison between departmental staff and on-field personnel."
Asked whether he would be playing a mid-week role in addition to his game-day duties, Ruddock was at his fire-and-brimstone best in outlining what he had to offer the Tigers. "There are possibilities and
potentialities that will, in due time, and through the appropriate channels, be explored with respect to my involvement in the repositioning of witches hats in accordance with sanctioned training drills. The dissection and distribution of fruity material such as oranges or other citrus produce is another operational directive that can be further enhanced as a result of regular consultation between my office and the coaching authorities."
Sources close to the club revealed that Ruddock was handpicked for the role after seeing the effects of Ruddock's concerted efforts to lift the spirits of hundreds of migrants seeking asylum from political, religious and economic un-rest through out the world.
"Yeah, look it was his tough love statements that bought him to our attention. These people [refugees]have been through an absolutly crap couple of years. What they needed was to be told that they were rubbish and could they please go back to where-ever they came from. If Richmond Football Club players can't relate to that experience then I'm not only a monkey's uncle, I'm his aunt too. Ruddock's got it right. The best way to get someone on the right track is to tell them to rack off back home, even if it is a hole or a cave or whatever. He's perfect for our club and I'm sure a lot of Tiger fans will back us up on this appointment. After all, he's only doing what a lot of them already say."
Rugged utility Kayne Pettifer reflected the players' sense of excitement at the new appointment. "He tells it like it is - straight up. The players know where they stand, or in my case, sit."
[props to TigerBlood]
