AFL
If - you keep changing the rules (size of goalsquare, 6 6 6, kick outs, free agency compensation), or changing the interpretation of rules during the season, or inconsistent decisions by the Match Review clown
Then - expect more and more of football loving fans to get totally sick to death of the constant tinkering, and a likely reduction in crowds.
Adelaide
If - you are leaking players like a sieve after two very poor years of on field performance
Then - it's about time you fessed up that the clowns running the Football Department really mucked up. Oh, and those horrible Richmond bullies should be sent to the Principles office.
Brisbane
If - you had a very good 2019 and think 2020 will be even better
Then - just remember that the draw will be a lot harder, and going out in straight sets might leave a few scars
Carlton
If - you think a 32 year old Eddie Betts and a couple of B graders will see you climb the ladder
Then - Dream On. SOS running your list management. Need I say any more?
Collingwood
If - you've been shopping a number of contracted players around during the trade period
Then - don't be surprised if your list starts playing for themselves and not the team. If you're going to copy the Richmond "team first" culture, you need to remember that it applies to the football club too. Maybe Figgy lost that page of the Richmond manifesto?
Essendon
If - you think you're a chance to get better as a team
Then - sorry. Can't see one A Grader on your list, Just guys who can't kick or handball, are downhill skiers, or are anything but team players (look at moi, look at moi). Oh, and keeping wantaways in Daniher and Fantasia is REALLY going to make the group jell. NOT!
Fremantle
If – Nah.
Then - Dream On.
Geelol
If - you think that screwing a bunch of draft picks out of the Eagles is going to get you the extra 5 - 10% you need to be a truly top flight team, or you think that getting the seagull from Adelaide will do it
Then - you're in a holding pattern. Old list, crap game plan, can't cope with a full size ground. Oh, and your so called Anchovy of a coach can't accept that you really aren't that good. That's good for football!
Gold Coast
If - you get lots of first round picks and recruit a 2 time premiership player
Then - expect more of the same. Your club has been poorly run from the beginning, Brandon Ellis is a terrific fella but without 21 other premiership players beside him he's gonna struggle (but good luck anyway Brando), and there has never been a successful professional sports team located on the Gold Coast. Pack up and move to Tassie. They deserve a team in the AFL.
GWS
If - you make top 4 next season, then well done! But....
Then - there's a strong chance that you will go the same way as the Crows after 2017.
Hawthorn
If – your coach is working on a cunning plan for 2020. You'll be back in the eight
Then - it will be the eight, but only just
Melbourne
If - you played like a bunch of drongos in 2019 (and you REALLY did)
Then - only a softer draw will see you climb the ladder. You've recruited duds, don't have a proper captain, and your only good player is Maxy. Next!
Norda Melbun
If - you think a couple of B graders from Port Adelaide last year are big fish
Then - you don't know sh!t about fishing. NFI.
Port Adelaide
If - seriously?
Then - I can't be bothered
Richmond
If – you lost a 5 x AA defender in round 1, were cruelled with injuries through the first half of the season, but were able to tough it out, get (most) stars back for the finals, then smash the AFL’s Frankenstein team
Then – the competition needs to look out for 2020. Rance, Stack, Graham, maybe Higgins. Add Balta and CCJ. Life’s good at the Tigers right now. Bring on No. 13.
St Kilda
If – you’ve brought a few in
Then - you should be a bit better, but we’re talking about St Kilda. Next!
Sydney
If – you tried to get Daniher
Then – you know that Buddy is on last legs. Not much left in Sydney from where I sit.
Wet Coke
If – you’ve thrown the kitchen sink at Geelong so that you can get Kelly
Then – he improves you BUT, you’ve lost a Rioli, Kennedy needs to be put down, and you’ll still have to play the Tigers on the MCG
Western Bulldogs
If – you picked up a few B graders
Then – you have a good list. You really should get in the top 4. Anything less is a failure.
Damien Parrot
If – you think we give a stuff about what you think
Then – you’re even more delusional than I thought
If - you keep changing the rules (size of goalsquare, 6 6 6, kick outs, free agency compensation), or changing the interpretation of rules during the season, or inconsistent decisions by the Match Review clown
Then - expect more and more of football loving fans to get totally sick to death of the constant tinkering, and a likely reduction in crowds.
Adelaide
If - you are leaking players like a sieve after two very poor years of on field performance
Then - it's about time you fessed up that the clowns running the Football Department really mucked up. Oh, and those horrible Richmond bullies should be sent to the Principles office.
Brisbane
If - you had a very good 2019 and think 2020 will be even better
Then - just remember that the draw will be a lot harder, and going out in straight sets might leave a few scars
Carlton
If - you think a 32 year old Eddie Betts and a couple of B graders will see you climb the ladder
Then - Dream On. SOS running your list management. Need I say any more?
Collingwood
If - you've been shopping a number of contracted players around during the trade period
Then - don't be surprised if your list starts playing for themselves and not the team. If you're going to copy the Richmond "team first" culture, you need to remember that it applies to the football club too. Maybe Figgy lost that page of the Richmond manifesto?
Essendon
If - you think you're a chance to get better as a team
Then - sorry. Can't see one A Grader on your list, Just guys who can't kick or handball, are downhill skiers, or are anything but team players (look at moi, look at moi). Oh, and keeping wantaways in Daniher and Fantasia is REALLY going to make the group jell. NOT!
Fremantle
If – Nah.
Then - Dream On.
Geelol
If - you think that screwing a bunch of draft picks out of the Eagles is going to get you the extra 5 - 10% you need to be a truly top flight team, or you think that getting the seagull from Adelaide will do it
Then - you're in a holding pattern. Old list, crap game plan, can't cope with a full size ground. Oh, and your so called Anchovy of a coach can't accept that you really aren't that good. That's good for football!
Gold Coast
If - you get lots of first round picks and recruit a 2 time premiership player
Then - expect more of the same. Your club has been poorly run from the beginning, Brandon Ellis is a terrific fella but without 21 other premiership players beside him he's gonna struggle (but good luck anyway Brando), and there has never been a successful professional sports team located on the Gold Coast. Pack up and move to Tassie. They deserve a team in the AFL.
GWS
If - you make top 4 next season, then well done! But....
Then - there's a strong chance that you will go the same way as the Crows after 2017.
Hawthorn
If – your coach is working on a cunning plan for 2020. You'll be back in the eight
Then - it will be the eight, but only just
Melbourne
If - you played like a bunch of drongos in 2019 (and you REALLY did)
Then - only a softer draw will see you climb the ladder. You've recruited duds, don't have a proper captain, and your only good player is Maxy. Next!
Norda Melbun
If - you think a couple of B graders from Port Adelaide last year are big fish
Then - you don't know sh!t about fishing. NFI.
Port Adelaide
If - seriously?
Then - I can't be bothered
Richmond
If – you lost a 5 x AA defender in round 1, were cruelled with injuries through the first half of the season, but were able to tough it out, get (most) stars back for the finals, then smash the AFL’s Frankenstein team
Then – the competition needs to look out for 2020. Rance, Stack, Graham, maybe Higgins. Add Balta and CCJ. Life’s good at the Tigers right now. Bring on No. 13.
St Kilda
If – you’ve brought a few in
Then - you should be a bit better, but we’re talking about St Kilda. Next!
Sydney
If – you tried to get Daniher
Then – you know that Buddy is on last legs. Not much left in Sydney from where I sit.
Wet Coke
If – you’ve thrown the kitchen sink at Geelong so that you can get Kelly
Then – he improves you BUT, you’ve lost a Rioli, Kennedy needs to be put down, and you’ll still have to play the Tigers on the MCG
Western Bulldogs
If – you picked up a few B graders
Then – you have a good list. You really should get in the top 4. Anything less is a failure.
Damien Parrot
If – you think we give a stuff about what you think
Then – you’re even more delusional than I thought
