Hocking: All right, all right settle down everyone, settle down. Craig, stop fiddling with your spreadsheets.
Hocking: Ok. The expert panel on Free Agency Compensation will come to order.
Hocking: For the minutes. Present we have Hocking S, chair, Cameron C, expert, Scott C, expert, Koch D, senior adviser, Dangerwood S&J, player welfare advisers.
Dangerfield: For the record we need to keep player health as a top priority and Kane Cornes is a *smile*.
Hocking: Yes, thankyou Paddy.
Selwood: Anyone got spare handkerchief?
Scott: Here you go my boy, oooh that's a nasty gash.
Selwood: Yeah walked into the door on the way in. Damn eyebrow won't stop bleeding.
Koch: I think I can hear the Richmond theme song. Did someone invite that prick Pyke?
Selwood: I can't hear anything.
Hocking: Ok enough chatter. We must decide on the compensation to Richmond for the Ellis free agency move to Gold Coast.
Cameron: What?
Koch: Who's Ellis?
Dangerfield: He's the thug that headbutted me in the finals in 2017. Didn't get a free kick either. I was complaining of pain for weeks after that game. All due to him.
Scott: I'd have to review the tape. 4 weeks I reckon would be fair.
Cameron: What?
Hocking: Shut up Paddy.
Dangerfield: *pouts* Glad I brought my crutches, you've hurt my feelings.
Hocking: Can we just get back to deciding on the compensation.
Cameron: What?
Hocking: He's in the top 10% of Richmond player payments for 2019.
Scott: Can we audit their payments? And request an overview of their gameplan? Make that a photocopy. Their 2020 gameplan that is.
Cameron: What?
Koch: What?
Hocking: What? No. Christ I hate these meetings. Lets just determine their compensation.
Koch: Port got nothing for the Buddy move to Sydney.
Hocking: Buddy played for the Hawks, David.
Koch: Nah! He was in our B&F and is widely regarded as the best player of his generation. Zero compo for us. Nada. Zip.
Hocking: David?
Koch: Yes?
Hocking: Shut the *smile* up.
Koch: Oh.
Hocking: Right can we focus please. Craig what are your thoughts?
Cameron: What?
Hocking: Thankyou Craig. Chris?
Scott: I don't think their 2019 win was as good as their 2018 loss to Collingwood. But I'd have to review their tapes. Also why do they get to play any home games at the MCG?
Hocking: Thanks for your input Chris. Paddy, Scott. You thoughts?
Dangerfield: Obviously we need to ensure the best for the player. Oooh - I've got a cramp! Ow. *falls off chair* Razor, Razor, free kick Dangerfield.
Selwood: I'm feeling a bit faint. Vision is narrowing. Going grey. Blood loss... *faints*
Hocking: Oh God.
Koch: Look at all that blood. I'm feeling a bit sick. *runs out of the room*
Scott: This isn't the time. *stands up and leaves with a withering glare at a mirror on the wall*
Hocking: Craig?
Cameron: *fiddles with excel* The stats say end of first round. But that doesn't make any sense. If they did then I'd be the coach of the 2019 premiers. So...
Hocking: yes?
Cameron: What?
Hocking: This was going so well. Craig focus. The spreadsheet. What does it say.
Cameron: Oh. Righto. Correcting for stochastic variations, including spline manipulation, deviation adjustment applied...
Hocking: yes?
Cameron: 2 first round picks. Pick 1 and pick 18.
Hocking: Really?
Cameron: Yes.
Hocking: *smile* that. Let the minutes show end of second round compo pick for free agent Ellis moving from Richmond to Gold Coast. Meeting adjourned.
Hocking: *presses button intercom* Cheryl?
Intrercom: *furble worble murble*
Hocking: Yes, please get the cleaners to remove the blood from the floor, the table, the chair and also ask them to drag Mr Selwood out and put him in a taxi. They can help Paddy as well. Tell them to watch out for his crutches, he can swing them about pretty good. Don't want a workers compensation claim on my plate. Oh and Cheryl? Please remove David's access privs to this level from his security card, the guy's a complete moron.
Intercom: *snurrrf*
Cameron: What?