> 5 MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
> Lesson 1:
> A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
> shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a
> towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob,
> the next-door neighbor.
> Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that
> towel."
> After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
> naked in front of Bob.
> After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
> The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
> When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
> "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
>
> "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he
> owes me?"
> Moral of the story:
> If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with
> your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent
> avoidable exposure.
>
Lesson 2:
> A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs,
> forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.
> After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
> The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
> The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his
> handslide up her leg again.
> The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
> The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
> Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
>
> On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm129.
> It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you willfind glory."
>
> Moral of the story:
> If you are not well informed in your job, opportunities for
> advancement will pass right by you.[/color]
>
> Lesson 3:
> A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
> lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie
> comes out.
> The
> Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
> "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the
> Bahamas,driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
> Puff! She's gone.
>
> "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in
> Hawaii,relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless
> supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
> Puff! He's gone.
>
> "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
> The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
> Moral of the story:
> Always let your boss have the first say.
>
>
> Lesson 4:
> An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit
> saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do
> nothing?"
> The eagle answered: "Sure , why not."
> So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a
> sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
> Moral of the story:
> To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high
> up.
>
> Lesson 5:
> A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
> the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the
> energy."
> "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied
thebull.
> They're packed with nutrients."
> The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
> enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day,
> after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
> Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the
> top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him
> out of the tree.
> Moral of the story:
> Bull sh!t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
>
> Lesson 6:
> A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the
> bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was
> lying there, a cow came by and sh!t on him.
> As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to
> realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He
> lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
> A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
> Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of
> cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
> Morals of the story:
> (1) Not everyone who *smile* on you is your enemy.
> (2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh!t is your friend.
> (3) And when you're in deep sh!t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
>
> THIS CONCLUDES THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENTCOURSE.
>