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Blonde Joke
- Thread starter Coughlan24
- Start date
Re: Blonde Jokes
A blind man enters a Lesbian Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar
stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to
the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately
falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to
him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair -
given that you are blind - that you should know five things:
>
>1. The bartender is a blonde girl.
>
>2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
>
>3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
>
>4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight
lifter.
>
>5. The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
>
>So think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that
>joke?"
>
>The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares,
>
>"Nah. Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
A blind man enters a Lesbian Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar
stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to
the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately
falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to
him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair -
given that you are blind - that you should know five things:
>
>1. The bartender is a blonde girl.
>
>2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
>
>3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
>
>4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight
lifter.
>
>5. The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
>
>So think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that
>joke?"
>
>The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares,
>
>"Nah. Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
Re: Blonde Jokes
If you insist, but yours is the best :clap
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She hops out of her car, rushes up to his truck, and knocks on the window. The trucker lowers his window and she says, "Hi, my name is Julie and you're losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.
When the trucker stops for another red light, the same blonde catches up, jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the window. Once more, the trucker lowers his window. Acting as if they've never spoken, the blonde cheerfully says, "Hi, my name is Julie and you're losing some of your load." Again, the trucker ignores her and continues down the street.
At the third red light, the same thing happens again. Panting, the blonde jumps out of her car, rushes up to his truck, and knocks on the window. The trucker lowers his window and she again says, "Hi, my name is Julie and you're losing some of your load!"
As soon as the light turns green, the trucker steps on the gas and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he quickly gets out of his truck, runs back to the blonde and taps on her window. As she lowers it, he says, "Hi, my name is Darrel, it's winter in Detroit and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"
If you insist, but yours is the best :clap
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She hops out of her car, rushes up to his truck, and knocks on the window. The trucker lowers his window and she says, "Hi, my name is Julie and you're losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.
When the trucker stops for another red light, the same blonde catches up, jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the window. Once more, the trucker lowers his window. Acting as if they've never spoken, the blonde cheerfully says, "Hi, my name is Julie and you're losing some of your load." Again, the trucker ignores her and continues down the street.
At the third red light, the same thing happens again. Panting, the blonde jumps out of her car, rushes up to his truck, and knocks on the window. The trucker lowers his window and she again says, "Hi, my name is Julie and you're losing some of your load!"
As soon as the light turns green, the trucker steps on the gas and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he quickly gets out of his truck, runs back to the blonde and taps on her window. As she lowers it, he says, "Hi, my name is Darrel, it's winter in Detroit and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"
A blonde lady a Russian and an American were discussing stuff and one of them brought up the topic SPACE. And so the Russian woman said "Well, We were the first in Space." the American said "We were the first on the moon." And the blonde said "Well, We'll be first on the sun." And the Russian said "But that's impossible you'll burn up!" So the blonde said "DUH..We're going at night"
B
Bill James
Guest
Re: Blonde Jokes
There were 3 people. A blonde, a brunette, and a red head. They were stuck on an island and had to get across to the other. So they decided to take turns trying to swim across. The read head went first and she swam one quarter (1/4) of the way and got tired so she turned around and swam back to the others. The brunette did the same as the red head. Then it was the blonde's turn. So she swam out. She got halfway, got tired, and swam back to the other 2 girls. :rofl
She could have swam the whole length instead of turning around halfway.
Kristi xx
There were 3 people. A blonde, a brunette, and a red head. They were stuck on an island and had to get across to the other. So they decided to take turns trying to swim across. The read head went first and she swam one quarter (1/4) of the way and got tired so she turned around and swam back to the others. The brunette did the same as the red head. Then it was the blonde's turn. So she swam out. She got halfway, got tired, and swam back to the other 2 girls. :rofl
She could have swam the whole length instead of turning around halfway.
Kristi xx
Re: Blonde Jokes
One for the Ladies
A Blonde Bloke Joke
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."
The blond opened his lunch and said, Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.
The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch!
One for the Ladies
A Blonde Bloke Joke
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."
The blond opened his lunch and said, Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.
The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch!
Re: Blonde Jokes
Aahh...Blonde jokes, here are some of my favourites.
A blonde pushes her BMW into a petrol station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
She was so blonde...
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
She tried to put M&Ms in alphabetical order.
She tried to drown a fish.
She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
If you gave her a 5 cents for intelligence, you'd get change back.
They had to burn the school down to get her out of grade three.
She tripped over a cordless phone.
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
At the bottom of the application where it says 'sign here', she put 'Sagittarius.'
If she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
She studied for a blood test... and failed.
She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
She sold the car for petrol money.
Aahh...Blonde jokes, here are some of my favourites.
A blonde pushes her BMW into a petrol station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
She was so blonde...
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
She tried to put M&Ms in alphabetical order.
She tried to drown a fish.
She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
If you gave her a 5 cents for intelligence, you'd get change back.
They had to burn the school down to get her out of grade three.
She tripped over a cordless phone.
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
At the bottom of the application where it says 'sign here', she put 'Sagittarius.'
If she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
She studied for a blood test... and failed.
She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
She sold the car for petrol money.
Re: Blonde Jokes
An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived at the casino and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude".
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed..."YES YES, I WON, I WON!"
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumb founded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."
MORAL OF THE STORY
Not all Irish are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, but all men, are men
An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived at the casino and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude".
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed..."YES YES, I WON, I WON!"
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumb founded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."
MORAL OF THE STORY
Not all Irish are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, but all men, are men
Re: Blonde Jokes
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win.
Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A1: The Blonde!
A2: The other guys waiting their turn.
Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.
Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A: Because she's been laid all over the country.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men!
Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.
Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win.
Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A1: The Blonde!
A2: The other guys waiting their turn.
Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.
Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A: Because she's been laid all over the country.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men!
Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.
Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.
