Carmen | PUNT ROAD END | Richmond Tigers Forum
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Carmen

RemoteTiger

Woof!
Jul 29, 2004
4,577
0
A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man standing alone.

She approached him. “my name is Carmen,” she said.

“Beautiful name!” he replies.

“Yes, I gave it to myself as it reflects my 2 favourite things - cars and men” she winks. “What’s your name?”

He replied “Beerpussy”
 

evo

Tiger Legend
Nov 25, 2003
22,192
49
A young cowboy walks into the saloon. He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chilli-con-carne.
After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asked the old cowpoke, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?"

The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner says, "Nah, go ahead."

Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning in it with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chilli. The sight was shocking and he immediately barfs up the chilli into the bowl.

The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got, too."
 

evo

Tiger Legend
Nov 25, 2003
22,192
49
Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until, one day; he comes across a Harley with a 'For Sale' sign on it. The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.

"Well, it's quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain." And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.

That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they ride the bike there.

But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, "I have to tell you something about my family before we go in."

"When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."

"No problem," he says. And in they go.

Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word. As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses Sandra. No one says a word. So he reaches over and fondles her breasts. Still, nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and has sex with her right there, in front of her parents.

His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. He
looks at her mom. "She's got a great body," he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every
which way right there on the dinner table. Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, total silence.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.

Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, "All right, that's enough, I'll do the damn dishes!"
 

evo

Tiger Legend
Nov 25, 2003
22,192
49
Come on craig.Stop laughing and make with the jokes.....


An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand walks into a Small village and sees a local sitting on his verandah patting his dog.

He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Kiwi

'G'day mate, mind if I talk to your dog?'

Villager: 'The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie.'

Ventriloquist: 'Hello dog, how's it going mate?'

Dog: 'Yeah, doin' all right.'

Kiwi: (look of extreme shock)

Ventriloquist: 'Is this villager your owner?' (pointing at the Villager)

Dog: 'Yep'

Ventriloquist: 'How does he treat you?'

Dog: 'Yeah, real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play.'

Kiwi: (look of utter disbelief)

Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?'

Kiwi: 'Uh, the horse doesn't talk either...I think.'

Ventriloquist: 'Hey horse, how's it going?'

Horse: 'Cool'

Kiwi: (absolutely dumbfounded)

Ventriloquist: 'Is this your owner?' (Pointing at the villager)

Horse: 'Yep'

Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?

Horse: 'Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly,
Brushes me down often and keeps me in the shed to protect me from the Elements.'

Kiwi: (total look of amazement)

Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your sheep?'

Kiwi: (in a panic) 'Dont listen to a word he says. The sheep's a ********* liar……
 

evo

Tiger Legend
Nov 25, 2003
22,192
49
One of my favourites......

An old guy approaches the window of the movie theater with a Iguana on his shoulder, and asks for two tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, "Well, my pet Iguana, of course!"

The girl tells him that he can't take a Iguana into the theater, so he goes around the corner, and stuffs the Iguana into his pants. He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in.

Inside the theater, the Iguana starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his pants so the Iguana can stick its head out and watch the movie.

Sitting next to him are two old women. The one closest to the old guy nudges her companion and whispers, "Lucy, this man over here has just unzipped his pants!"

Her companion whispers back, "Oh, don't worry about it. If you've seen one, you've seen them all."

"I know, but this one's eating my popcorn!!"
 

Tigers of Old

Proud of our Club.
Jul 26, 2004
65,958
4,320
www.redbubble.com
RemoteTiger said:
A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man standing alone.

She approached him. “my name is Carmen,” she said.

“Beautiful name!” he replies.

“Yes, I gave it to myself as it reflects my 2 favourite things - cars and men” she winks. “What’s your name?”

He replied “Beerpussy”
:rofl
 

evo

Tiger Legend
Nov 25, 2003
22,192
49
Q: What makes high pitched screeching noises and lives off beetles ?