Goldposts - The best of Punt Road End

[Tigers of Old]

Are you mad?

lets see ive followed a team for 21 years...week in week out ive had my heart ripped out of my chest as i watch my boys be the laughing stock of the competition...in 21 years ive seen two finals (live)...i have stuck up for this club till ive gone blue in the face and my throat has gone coarse..and ive done it all with basically nothing to brag about...ive cried and screamed and laughed and got into fights with oppostion fans over this club...and i think - what the hell for??.....

...funny thing is i will be fronting up to do it all again on friday night.....am i mad?....bloody oath i am!!

Well done 8ty.
Summed it up nicely.

 

[Tigers of Old]

Goldpost from Goldsmith in the A Blown Opportunity thread.
http://www.puntroadend.com/yabbse/index.php?topic=30731.30

It is well known within AFL circles that the way to beat Richmond is to apply pressure. This was particularly evident in the thought processes of the umpires on Friday night.

Caught with the ball. Free kick. Caught with it again. Free kick. Goal St Kilda. There go those Tigers, crumbling under pressure again.

Slick handpass St Klida. Play on. Slick handpass St Klida. Play on. Slick handpass St Klida. Play on. Slick handpass Richmond. Throw. Free kick. Another goal. Nope, can't handle pressure.

Oh bugger. Crappy centre bounce went skew if, now there's an ugly pack. If I call another ball up I'll get my bum kicked after the game so I better pluck a free. Now, let's see, Richmond can't handle the pressure, so nothing for them. There's Robert Harvey, he's a champ, I'll give him another kick.

Was that a Richmond player I saw getting his head pulled off? No, he just couldn't handle the pressure. Play on. There's another one, knees buckled under the pressure and he ducked his head. Play on. Shut up, crowd, its not my fault your team can't handle pressure.

OK, free to Kane Johnson, up on the wing. Bring the ball back! Get it out of the crowd and bring it back to the wing! What's that, Johnno? No advantage, I don't care if you kicked a goal, I never called advantage. Take your free up on the wing. I never called advantage. If you were any good under pressure you would still pinpoint all those passes and get your goal anyway. It's your free.

Wow, nice mark by that young Richmond forward in the goal-square. Surprising, I thought they always buckled under the pressure. Sorry mate, hands in the back, no mark, hands in the back!

Oh, my Lord, what are those three defenders doing to Richo? They've tied him to the goal post and are trying to burn him at the stake! Stop sooking, Richo, or I'll pay a fifty!

Imaginative and accurate Tottie. You've been on fire.

 

[Rosy]

Ripper post from chaz

Ah the ever present battle to keep the kids on the staight and narrow.

I arrived home one day to find my daughter sitting on the front step crying, when I asked what was wrong she replied that her older brother had pushed her out the door and locked it.

so down the hallway i go to sort the issue out, when i thought hang on i had better get his side of the story as little sisters can overdramatize to get big bro in trouble

  so i asked him why he did it and he just casually looked up at me said {cause she said she didnt barrack for the tiges anymore she was barracking for COLLINGWOOD!)

  I said fair enough

P.S Ive got her back to the tiges

 

[Tigers of Old]

In the words of Donald Rumsfeld, in 2004 we had known knowns (duds), now we have some known Knowns (duds) and some known unknowns (pretty sure the're duds) and some unknown knowns (could be duds) and some unknown unknowns (could be guns). That the difference - simple really ;D

http://www.puntroadend.com/yabbse/index.php?topic=30880.105

V clever lamb ;D

 

[Tigerfan]

http://www.puntroadend.com/yabbse/index.php?topic=30880.105

V clever lamb ;D

:clap

 

[Tigers of Old]

This little gem from Hayfever..



Spud's plan......... don't put the cart before the horse.

Wallace has turned things around but the captain is still confused.

Not bad at all Mr Sneeze. :cutelaugh

 

[craig]

:clap :hihi :hihi

 

[Rosy]

poor old libba i think he's just craving attention and burning bridges along the way, fair dinkum he will soon be like paris and turning up to the opening of an envelope

:clap :hihi

 

[LeeToRainesToRoach]

On turning up at the ground tonight and observing the army of Blues supporters, it was apparent that the gang land wars didn't go near long enough, nor have enough casulties!

Hopefully they all sook off home and start capping each other in the (_(_) instead of hanging around football grounds mangulating the english language!

This one made me LOL.

 

[Tigers of Old]

While we are making fun of Carlton, this hit my email yesterday:

Carlton Confidential

Good morning Greg,

As requested, I have updated the status report on our core group. Thanks for emailing the words to the club song in case we eventually win, but no-one can remember the tune. Kade seems to thinks it’s the same tune as the Vic Bitter commercial. Can you confirm?

All the best

BR


PLAYER STATUS REPORT AS OF 30/03/08


ANDREW WALKER – Still in therapy from playing 22 positions in 22 weeks under Denis Pagan.

JORDAN RUSSELL – Half of our fans think it’s disrespectful to the great John Nicholls to allow Jordan Russell to meander around in the number 2 jumper. The other half think it’s disrespectful to Dominic Fotia

MARC MURPHY – Highly talented youngster who is widely regarded as the worst decision maker in the game after turning down the chance to go to Brisbane under the father/son rule.

BRYCE GIBBS – Has been nicknamed Schapelle because he’s counting the days until he’s allowed to go home.

CHRIS JUDD – Judd is severely hampered by a long term groin injury. He has lost explosive pace, can’t kick over 40 metres, is unable to turn freely and can only play 60% of game time. Still clearly the best player on the list.

KADE SIMPSON – Kade’s like the average looking bird at a party that you chat up so you know you’ve got a guaranteed root in case you can’t land something decent. Made captain till something better came along and then dropped like a Cain Ackland chest mark.

MATTHEW KREUZER – Was named as the player to lead the club out of the wilderness by our President Tricky Dicky, who the called him Matt Kruger in the same sentence. Don’t know about the kid, but for god sake keep Pratt away from the players.

JASON SADDINGTON – Sydney capped off their unforgettable Premiership win in 2005 by off-loading Jason Saddington on the Blues.

RICHARD HADLEY – The Carlton version of Richard Hadley plays footy more like Richard Hadlee the New Zealand cricket hero than Richard Hadley the Brisbane Lions Premiership player. Should only be picked if the Blues win the toss and bowl first.

CAIN ACKLAND – The story goes that when Greg Swann was woken by a call in the middle of the night and told that one of his players had been videotaped urinating on a nightclub window, he knelt by the side of his bed and prayed it was Cain Ackland.

LUKE BLACKWELL – Selected by Carlton under the father/ordinary son rule. He’s a smaller, weaker, less talented version of his father Wayne.

BRAD FISHER – Unshaven half forward flanker who could comfortably pass for one of the homeless. Broke his thumb in the pre-season after getting punched in the nose outside a soup kitchen.

SHAUN GRIGG – Loves to run with the footy. I suggest we buy him a Sherrin, drop him off on the Western Highway and hope he runs back home to Ballarat.

SETANTA O’hAILPIN – In four years the Irishman has failed to grasp even the most basic concepts of AFL football. During Round One this year he was asked to pay more attention to loose men, so after the game he went cruising for action down Commercial Road in Prahran.

AISAKE O’hAILPIN – Has learnt everything he knows about footy from his older brother. In other words he thinks the MCG can fly because it has two wings.

PAUL BOWER – Looks like ‘Curly’ Austin from the 1970’s, plays like ‘Curly’ Howard from The Three Stooges

EDDIE BETTS – If that’s the case he should have $100 on Carlton to win the spoon.

ADAM HARTLETT – The Blues new enforcer took out Cam Howat behind the play in Round One. He’s currently suspended, but will be back to take out Ricky Petterd against the Dees in Round Four.

NICK STEVENS – Typical drover’s dog who missed all of 2007 with a neck injury after spending all of 2006 looking over his shoulder for oncoming contact.

BRENDON FEVOLA – The Fevola File is now into it’s 7th bound edition. Fev had a tumultuous pre-season but told the match committee he has learnt from his mistakes. He has promised to fire up against Collingwood by taking out *smile*, then follow it up against the Eagles by pissing on Glass.

CAMERON CLOKE – Getting a ruckman that Collingwood rejects is like going to Calcutta to replace your chauffeur.

HEATH SCOTLAND – Heath is a favourite in footy Dreamteams. Unfortunately for Carlton they don’t play their matches on some pimply nerd’s laptop.

JARRAD WAITE – Waite could do with a little more weight and he doesn’t have to look far. It’s hanging over the top of Nick Stevens’ shorts.

JORDAN BANNISTER – In 1954 Roger Bannister broke the four-minute mile. In 2008 Jordan Bannister is hoping to break the four-possession game.

BRET THORNTON – Tireless defender whose weekly misery is compounded by knowing that for 2 glorious days in October 2006, he was a Hawk.

RYAN HOULIHAN – The last of the four Houlihan sisters to play League football. Post-retirement he’s destined to live in the same trailer park as the Whitnall brothers

SIMON WIGGINS – For the third year running the Blues forgot to delist Wiggins because he’s so forgettable. Has played 89 games for the club and at the current rate will play his 100th in 2012.

DARREN PFEIFFER – Promising youngster who has to come to terms with the fact that Fev will never be able to spell his surname because it starts with a silent Pee.

ANDREW CARAZZO – Ball magnet with a kicking impediment. He only told the club this year that Carazzo is Italian for turnover.

I'm aware it's not yours Royce but that was laugh out loud funny. :cutelaugh
Pure gold and as DDT points out is does belong in here.

 

[Hayfever]

I'm aware it's not yours Royce but that was laugh out loud funny. :cutelaugh
Pure gold and as DDT points out is does belong in here.

Pure gold for sure...... an absolute classic :rotfl

 

[Tigers of Old]

As Walla$e has lost all his so called ability to coach the seniors he should be dropped to coach Coburg.
If and when Walla$e returns to form which should be sometime in 2009 or 2011 he should then be recalled.

 

[KnightersRevenge]

Loved this recently from Dyer'ere.

Maybe Petts has been showing him how to hit himself in the head when he misses a goal.

Wish Barry Hall had been showing Kayne Pettifer. ;D

 

[Dyer'ere]

Thanks for that, Knighter. I have the lowest posts to gold ratio on the site. ;D I need help.

 

[Tigers of Old]

Fact is Roundabouts were introduced because of Richmond.We couldnt turn the corner.

http://www.puntroadend.com/yabbse/index.php?topic=31568.30

I like this. :hihi

 

[an_oxford_man]

Me too. :rofl

 

[davidrodan]

The banana's 999th...

No would not take 2 points before the game, as then l would have nothing to see or do Sunday afternoon.

Hey B1 we are on 999 posts, we need a very high quality 1000 post.

I'm too nervous and will stuff it up. l give you the honors to post the big 1000.

You are the brighter one, no one cares about me

Please post something we can celebrate and never forget.

Said B2

and 1000th post

Thanks B2, I'll think about it and post a good one.

B1

Gold

 

[davidrodan]

How bout this beauty from Steak

Maybe he doesn't know who his father is.

If that is the case, he is an obvious father/son selection for Collingwood.

 

[Dyer'ere]

:hihi

Anyways here's a bewdy:

Quite simple really - negating the influence of Lance Franklin can be achieved in 5 basic steps:


Step 1. Strap Richo to a chair, and keep his eyes open clockwork orange style.

Step 2. Put a large screen in front of him. Kill the lights.

Step 3. Insert a tape of Beethoven's 9th Symphony into the stereo, and crank it 'til the speakers shake.

Step 4. Project a photo of Lance Franklin onto the screen.

Step 5. Using the technology pioneered in Michael Jackson's "Black or White" video, 'morph' the photo of Franklin into Jay Schulz, and then back into Franklin. Repeat until Richo passes out.


And there you have it. Not only will Franklin not touch the ball, but he'll probably end the game unconscious, injured, and most certainly knowing his place.

We just need to keep Schulz out of the backline at the same time - Richo has a big engine, but the effort involved in decimating the careers of two Schulzes at once is enough to give anyone a stitch.

 

[Azza]

:rotfl