Kangaroo Karaoke | PUNT ROAD END | Richmond Tigers Forum
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Kangaroo Karaoke

Its round 1 2013, MCG. The ball bounces and Nick Vlastuin runs off the wing and %$#SMACK^&%, he cruches marc murphy with a fair hip and shoulder. Marc Murphy has his tongue out and his arms and legs in the air. If he could think, he would think he was in Vegas with Jimmy Buckley. Kruiser gathers the ball and Vlastuin lays a tackle on him like he is a sperm whale and he is a qiant squid. Whale spills ball. Vlasgathersandofftwostepsh!tJackonthetit. jack goes back from 45/45 and stick it straight through the middle. The team gathers round Vlastuin and ruffle the red crop on his ample head.

Blues fans look at their feet or look concerned. Murphy hasnt moved. Tiger fans rise as one. its as though Russell Crow has painted his face yellow and black and ridden the boundary on a black stallion with a vivid yellow sash and summoned tigers to rise. Something has stirred.

Drums and driving BASS come from the heavens ...... boom boom boom boom doo doo doo doo doo bow bow bwo bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow. (to the tune of ra ra rasputin - bony M)

Seagulls rise and morph, mid-flight into Beautiful, Lithe, Naked, Sweaty, Black Ladies and grooooooooove. They cast huge sensual shadows across the MCG. Two forget themselves and squabble over a chip before regaining the beat.

Benny Gale dances like there is noone watching and Dennis Commetti is lost for words as the Tiger Fans sing AS ONE


There lived a certain man in coburg not so long ago
He was big and strong and on his head a flaming glow
Most people looked at him with terror and with fear
But to Moscow chicks he was such a lovely dear
He could preach the bible like a preacher, full of ecstasy and fire
But he also was the kind of teacher women would desire

Ra-Ra-Vlastuin
Lover of the Richmond queen
There was a cat that really was gone
Ra-Ra-Vlastuin
Richmonds greatest love machine
It was a shame how he carried on

He ruled the Richmond land, and never mind the Czar
But the Cossachok he danced really wunderbar
All affairs of state, he was the man to please
But he was real great when he had a girl to squeeze
For the queen he was no wheeling-dealer, though she heard the things he'd done
She believed he was a holy healer who would heal her son

Ra-Ra-Vlastuin
Lover of the Richmond queen
There was a cat that really was gone
Ra-Ra-Vlastuin
Richmonds greatest love machine
It was a shame how he carried on
But when his drinking and lusting, and his hunger for power became known to more and more people, the demands to do something about this outrageous man became louder and louder...

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

"This man's just gotta go," declared his enemies,
But the ladies begged, "don't you try to do it, please!"
No doubt this Vlastuin had lots of hidden charms
Though he was a brute they just fell into his arms
Then one night some men of higher standing
Set a trap, they're not to blame
"Come to visit us," they kept demanding, and he really came.

Ra-Ra-Vlastuin
Lover of the Richmond queen
They put some poison into his wine.

Ra-Ra-Vlastuin
Richmonds greatest love-machine
He drank it all and said: "I feel fine."

Ra-Ra-Vlastuin
Lover of the Richmond queen
They didn't quit, they wanted his head

Ra-Ra-Vlastuin
Richmonds greatest love machine
And so they shot him till he was dead.

Oh, those Russians!

Dimma looks puzzled. Murph is OK. He get up, but he thinks he is Bootsy Collins
 
Friday night at The Embassy Hotel in Penrith. Metrosexual bikies of middle eastern appearance play pool and ignore the Karaoke. I'm wearing an old ESSO tigers jumper, apple-green piping hot board shorts with greasy lines on them from wiping the dip stick, and green and gold thongs with 'aussie aussie aussie, oi, oi, oi' printed on them. The more I drink, the more the young bar maid seems to like me and the closer I skirt the pool table when I go for a *smile*. Having grown tired of schooners of New, ive switched to Bundy, expediting the need for me to close one eye so I can focus on the lyrics screen. years of drinking have left my wits sharp though, and I am able to craftily adapt the lyrics of Tuckers Daughter.

Hang me for a sucker
On the plains out of Penrith
Swingin' a hoe in a CAL-cotton row
Sweatin' on the dangers to me
Bossman's Mr. Chocco
He's a man I don't care to defy
And his only child wicked and wild is seeking my company

She wanna build me up tear me down
Slap my knee bones to the ground
Dom Tyson aint gonna be around
When Choccos daughter's a memory

Hot sun is a killer
She'll be waitin' at the end of my line
Taking the shade with a cool lemonade sayin'
Boy I wanna talka to you
Bossmans' only daughter
She ain't his and she'll never be mine
Never be down on a dollar or two
Or told what she's gonna do

She wanna build me up tear me down
Slap my knee bones to the ground
Me and mine are gonna be around
When Choccos' daughters a memory
Build me up tear me down
I won't kneel 'til the trumpet sounds
And Choccos' daughter's a memory

People born with all they need
They don't understand
Everything you want don't come from holding out your hand
Choccos' daughter thinks she sees
A slave at her command
I know you need some time yet baby
But when the time is right
Babe, Dom's your man


A bikie pots the black off the break and looks puzzled. I dont think they knew the song, or who chocco is. All my craftiness is wasted. I laugh to myself and try to wink cooly at the barmaid, but as I already have one eye closed, it looks like im having a mild stroke. She grins in a way that says 'that is the worst outfit i have ever seen, you belong in an institution' and 'you are the handsomest man i have ever laid eyes on, i want to have sex with you' simultaneously. My training kick in, and I understand the former is the truth, and I stagger from the bar, giving the modern bikies a wide berth.
 
A bit of Australiana leading into Australia Day..

Great Southern Land (Icehouse)

Standing at the limit of an endless ocean
stranded like a runaway, lost at sea
city on a rainy day down in the harbour
watching as the grey clouds shadow the bay
looking everywhere 'cause I had to find you
this is not the way that i remember it here
anyone will tell you its a prisoner island
hidden in the summer for a million years

Great Southern Land, burned you black

so you look into the land and it will tell you a story
story 'bout a journey ended long ago
if you listen to the motion of the wind in the mountains
maybe you can hear them talking like I do
". . they're gonna betray, they're gonna forget you
are you gonna let them take you over this way . ."

Great Southern Land, Great Southern Land
you walk alone like a primitive man
and they make it work with sticks and bones
see their hungry eyes, its a hungry home
I hear the sound of the stranger's voices
I see their hungry eyes, their hungry eyes
Great Southern Land, Great Southern Land
they burned you black, black against the ground

Great Southern Land, in the sleeping sun
you walk alone with the ghost of time
they burned you black, black against the ground
and they make it work with rocks and sand
I hear the sound of the stanger's voices
I see their hungry eyes, their hungry eyes
Great Southern Land, Great Southern Land
you walk alone, like a primitive man
you walk alone with the ghost of time
and they burned you black
yeah, they burned you black
Great Southern Land

[youtube=560,315]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=3mkidP2OUCk[/youtube]

8-
 
I still love this track (indulge)

Rain - Dragon

Oh it's a happenin' thing, and it's happenin' to you
Full moon and thunder, ribbons of blue
Ice on the window, ice in my heart
Foolin' with thunder, every time we start
It's been rai-ainin' for so long
It's been rai-ainin' for so long

Oh is it any wonder, the streets are dark
Is it any wonder, we fall apart
Day after day strange rain falls down
All over town
Rain comin'
It's been rai-ainin' for so long
It's been rai-ainin' for so long

Don't you go out in the rai-ai-ain
Don't go out in the pourin' rai-ai-ain
If you go out in the rai-ain
We'll never have that time agai-ain

Is it any wonder, the streets are dark
Is it any wonder, we fall apart
All these fee-eelin's that seem so wrong
Remember we were so strong
But it's been rai-ainin' for so long
It's been rai-ainin', I can't go on

Don't you go out in the rai-ai-ain
Don't go out in the pourin' rai-ain
If you go out in the rai-ai-ain
We'll never have that time agai-ain
Don't you go out in the rai-ai-ain
Don't go out in the pourin' rai-ain
If you go out in the rai-ai-ain
We'll never have that time agai-ain

[youtube=560,315]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jM7RcgZ1pLE[/youtube]
 
I had a fight with the misses. The kind that comes from nowhere like a kick from a cow. I left into the early evening, in the mood to go to a pub near an abbatoir. She reckoned I drink too much and when I pulled into the drive with the kids, holding a stubby, she erupted. I think shed had a bad day, so I took it on the chin, then left, still in my dirty work gear. Steel-caps with the toe-leather long gone, the steel polished from kicking a thousand beser block aside. One richmond, one gordon sock. my apple green boardies with the dip stick lines and my favourite red flanny. I happen on karaoke night at The Windy Hill in Essendon. The bloke on the door sensed my mood and, pragmatically, busied himself while i walked in and signed the register. The place is pretty empty. A group of young girls are having after work drinks. They are young and ugly and I feel an instantaneous kind of depression as i run a movie in my head starring the blokes who will one day marry them. James Hird is drinking alone at the bar, looking like his missus hasnt loved him for a long time. I have no interest whatsoever in talking to him and so I order a chicken mexicana and a pot and write 'Mr. Dank' beside my song on the list and sit at the other end of the bar, waiting for my tea. When I am about half way through my tea, which is an almost inedible rubbery-grey bit of chicken bearing a shiny layer of beans and infuriatingly perfect-diced capsicum, adrift on a sea of sour cream, I hear 'Mr. Dank'. As I wipe the grease from my mouth, I am thinking about plate techtonics.


Started out, just drinkin' beer
I didn't know how or why
Or what I was doin' there
Just a couple more
Made me feel a little better
Believe me when I tell you
It was nothin' to do with the letter

I ran right out of beer
I took a look into the larder
No bones, nothin'
I'd better go and get somethin' harder
Back in a flash
I started on a dash of Jamaica rum
Me and Pat Malone
Drinking on our ow-ow-ow-own

Woh-hoh-oh, the nips are gettin' bigger
Woh-yeah, the nips are gettin' bigger
Wo-hoh-oh, the nips are gettin' bigger
Yeah-eah-eah, mmm they're gettin' bigger

Sometimes I wonder
What all these chemicals
Are doin' to my brain
Doesn't worry me enough
To stop me from doin' it agai-ai-ain
Wipin' out brain cells
By the millions but I don't care
It doesn't worry me
Even though
I ain't got a lot to spare-are-are

Woh-hoh-oh, the nips are gettin' bigger
Woh-yeah-eah, the nips are gettin' bigger
Wo-hoh-oh, the nips are gettin' bigger
Yeah-eah-eah, they're gettin' bigger

I drain my pot, blow my nose on my serviette and balance it aloft the remaining snitzel as an act of disrespect to the chef. James looks puzzled. When I get home, I have a shower and a shave and brushed my teeth and my tongue twice and slip into bed. My wife doesnt talk, but makes it clear that she loves me and that I should drink less.
 
Its the wedding reception of a school friends of my wifes. She doesnt understand why we are here, so i dont even bother thinking about it. Sitting up the back on the remedial table with the menagerie of guests who dont really know why they are there either, I am getting pissed as quickly as i can with Rocket, the husband of a girlfriend of the grooms aunty from what we can gather. The brides dad is russian, so we have a bottle of vodka encased in a big block of ice in the middle of our table. Rocket and I have invented a new drink called 'A russian in Paris': A generous depth charge of vodka in a glass of champagne. Ive had 8 and its time to sing. I hitch up my only black pants, roll up the sleeves of my red mambo shirt with orchid vulva pattern and tell Rocket 'Im gonna sing'


Oh oh
Wee-ell-now!

Relax don't do it
When you want to go to it
Relax don't do it
When you want to come
Relax don't do it
When you want to come
When you want to come

Relax don't do it
When you want to to go to it
Relax don't do it
When you want to come
Relax don't do it
When you want to suck it to it
Relax don't do it
When you want to come
Come-oh oh oh

But shoot it in the right direction
Make making it your intention-ooh yeah
Live those dreams
Scheme those schemes
Got to hit me
Hit me
Hit me with those laser beams

I'm coming
I'm coming-yeah

Relax don't do it
When you want to go to it
Relax don't do it
When you want to come

Relax don't do it
When you want to suck it to it
Relax don't do it (love)
When you want to come
When you want to come
When you want to come
Come-huh

Get it up
The scene of love
Oh feel it

Relax relax relax
Higher higher relax

Now's the time, it's party time

Hey

The dance floor lurches and moans with wives and girlfriends felating invisible objects. It looks like a feverous vision of the dodg'em cars in some kind of post apocolyptic carnival, where only women inhabit the earth. I shrug my shoulders at Rocket, who looks a bit puzzled, and then we invent a new drink to pass the time.
 
Corner Hotel in Richmond after the Pies win. Lucky they have a house karaoke set up cause The band hit a cow in Sheparton. This place makes the Esplananade after the mothers day massacre (you remember, the night Psydeco Jump played tigerland and even the maori bouncers couldnt help but smile) seem like the waiting room in a renal unit. Luke McGuane is crowd surfing a delerious sea of black and yellow scarves and sore throats. I weave through the crowd like maurice rioli, except i was trying to walk like jack dyer. I have a flash forward and I see a couch, a bottle of lemonade and $5 worth of chips. I shake the image out of my head and close one eye to help focus on the karaoke list. My other eye lights up when I see Stray Cat Strut by the Stray Cats .......

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

Black and orange stray cat sittin' on a fence
I ain't got enough dough to pay the rent
I'm flat broke but I don't care
I strut right by with my tail in the air

Stray cat strut, well, I'm a ladies cat
I'm a feline Casanova, hey man that's that
Get a shoe thrown at me from a mean old man
Get my dinner from a garbage can

Don't go crossing my path

Well, I don't bother chasing mice around
Well, I'm slinkin' down the alleyway looking for a fight
Howling to the moonlight on a hot summer night
Singin' the blues while the lady cats cry
"Wild stray cat, you're a real gone guy"
I wish I could be as carefree and wild
But I got cat class and I got cat style

I don't bother chasing mice around
I'm slinkin' down the alleyway looking for a fight
Howling to the moonlight on a hot summer night
Singin' the blues while the lady cats cry
"Wild stray cat, you're a real gone guy"
I wish I could be as carefree and wild
I got cat class and I got cat style

The crowd has stopped, transfixed. Luke is sitting up. Is he crying? He looks puzzled, but he knows what this means. The place becomes suddenly dangerous, because we all know what this means. Noone wants to say the words out loud. I run through the richmond night, stopping only for a pie, fresh from the oven. When the vietnamese lady gives me my change, I look into her eyes and tell her "this is our year".
 
That tgw is in very good nick. :hihi The old Kangaroo Karaoke thread. Accidental genius. ;D


It was Camelot, February 2013. Fires in bins. People. A train wreck of caravans, one featuring the Wall of Namatjira. And it was like the final scene, to me, of Farenheit 451. The one where they were all learning but I was watching so I didn't.

Lady Godiva had been hanging around. We did some morphine, all of us, for some kind of fun, then she told me that I should be honoured that she complained to me about something earlier.

I said "Kiss me."

She lolled her hefty tongue into the corner of my mouth. A still born kiss, at last.

She said "My last boyfriend tried to strangle me."

I said "Shut up, Victim," and grabbed her hair in my left.

She froze. She was probably telling the truth.

We were maggotted. I showed her to her Suburu and let her drive spasticated, the 1.5kms home.

When I rejoined the party The Fascinator handed me my phone. She said "A text."

I read it. From Dr Angelina - "Would you consider having an affair?"

Fasc looked at my face but before she could speak I said "You've read it - She is probably married again."

She said "You're in love."

I rolled off to the Pirate Cave. Kicked a web from the tailgate and dreamt for three or four minutes before I passed out.


You can look at the menu, but you just can't eat
You can feel the cushion, but you can't have a seat
You can dip your foot in the pool, but you can't have a swim
You can feel the punishment, but you can't commit the sin
And you want her, and she wants you
We want everyone
And you want her and she wants you
No one, no one, no one ever is to blame

You can build a mansion, but you just can't live in it
You're the fastest runner but you're not allowed to win
Some break the rules, and live to count the cost
The insecurity is the thing that won't get lost
And you want her, and she wants you
We want everyone
And you want her, and she wants you
No one, no one, no one ever is to blame

You can see the summit but you can't reach it
Its the last piece of the puzzle but you just can't make it fit
Doctor says you're cured but you still feel the pain
Aspirations in the clouds but your hopes go down the drain
And you want her, and she wants you
We want everyone
And you want her, and she wants you
No one, no one, no one ever is to blame
No one ever is to blame
No one ever is to blame

[youtube=560,315]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2V3SNrkpp0[/youtube]


I lost my phone and her number so I never got back to her. But she texts before the change of each season. For four years now.

May. May, maybe she won't be married this time.
 
Dyer'ere said:
She said "My last boyfriend tried to strangle me."

I said "Shut up, Victim," and grabbed her hair in my left.

She froze. She was probably telling the truth.
Click to expand...

As a victim of domestic violence once upon another lifetime many years ago I find that very disturbing to read.
 
rosy3/23 said:
As a victim of domestic violence once upon another lifetime many years ago I find that very disturbing to read.
Click to expand...

that is terrible Rosy, but this is kangaroo karaoke. A good singer would often be satisfied to have disturbed their audience. Having said that, I sincerely hope any perpetrator of DV repents or is miserable.
 
tigergollywog said:
that is terrible Rosy, but this is kangaroo karaoke.
Click to expand...

Yep not questioning the right to say it...just how reading it made me feel. Like either I was once Lady Godiva or that the Dyer alias is a past partner. Disturbing either way but there's probably a song in there somewhere. :hihi

Karaoke after midnight. The mood turns maudlin. The beers have turned to tears. A diminutive, sad and lonely girl steps up to the mic to tell her story

Caroline says
as she gets up off the floor
Why is it that you beat me
it isn't any fun

Caroline says
as she makes up her eyes
You ought to learn more about yourself
think more than just I

But she's not afraid to die
all her friends call her "Alaska"
When she takes speed, they laugh and ask her

What is in her mind
what is in her mind

Caroline says
as she gets up from the floor
You can hit me all you want to
but I don't love you anymore

Caroline says
while biting her lip
Life is meant to be more than this
and this is a bum trip

But she's not afraid to die
all her friends call her "Alaska"
When she takes speed, they laugh and ask her

What is in her mind
what is in her mind

She put her fist through the window pane
It was such a funny feeling

It's so cold in Alaska
it's so cold in Alaska
It's so cold in Alaska

She puts another dollar in the juke box and takes centre stage with Lou again. Eyes cast down, absorbed in her own sorrow and self-loathing she doesn't notice everyone leaving.

When she walked on down the street
She was like a child staring at her feet

But when she passed the bar
And she heard the music play
She had to go in and sing
It had to be that way
She had to go in and sing
It had to be that way

And I said no, no, no
Oh, lady day
And I said no, no, no
Oh, lady day

After the applause had died down
And the people drifted away

She climbed down off the bar
And went out the door
To the hotel
That she called home
It had greenish walls
A bathroom in the hall

And I said no, no, no
Oh, lady day
And I said no, no, no
Oh, lady day
I said no, no, no
Oh, lady day
And I said no, no, no
Oh, lady day
And I said no, no, no
Oh, lady day
I said no, no, no
Oh, lady day
And I said no, no, no
Oh, lady day
And I said no, no, no
Oh, lady day
...
 
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