In breaking news, new light has been shed upon the wrist injury inflicting Geelong great (indeed LEGEND) Patrick Dangerfield.
Insiders have revealed that Patrick Dangerfield, having bravely fronted up to confront Port Adelaide, not only with two shattered vertebrae in his neck from the Toby Greene incident, was also battling a serious wrist injury which dates back to the 2020 Grand Final against Richmond.
It has come to light that Dangerfield entered the 2020 Grand Final with collapsed arches. Dangerfield played on bravely with this ouchy in his sock, assisting Geelong to hold a handy half time lead. Unfortunately for Dangerfield, the collapsed arches condition deteriorated and became fallen kneecaps, a common injury amongst divers, but not often seen on the footy field.
Dangerfield, despite immense discomfort managed to take the field for the second half only after a warm rub from Chris Scott during the half time break. As fate would have it, possibly due to the location of the rubbing, the condition of collapsed kneecaps deteriorated into fallen crotch, a very serious condition indeed.
Manfully, the Geelong Super Star (indeed Messiah) took the field but unfortunately was ineffective during the 3rd quarter. Despite this, and no doubt inspired by Chris Scott's awe inspiring "Let's do them slowly" speech, Dangerfield, being a true team player, and very coachable, decided the best thing to do, and purely on the theme of "doing them slowly" attempted to do himself slowly, but given the extended breaks experienced during the 2020 season, over did the therapy and his fallen crotch condition deteriorated further to ingrown gonads.
In an incredible effort, Dangerfield still managed to take the field. Unfortunately, for Geelong and Patty himself despite his Hurculean effort (indeed Superman effort), Geelong's fortunes continued to waver under the fierce pressure from their Tiger opponents. Part way through the last term, Dangerfield went to the bench to freshen up for one last push to slay the Tigers single handed. In an attempt to do himself slowly gain, but in record time as his stay on the bench could only be brief, and possibly from a lack of coordination from his now tiring wrist, Dangerfield caused a further injury to the same region, and now had impacted *smile* to go with his torsion of the testicles.
He requested that his shlong be put in a sling, which the doctor explained wasn't really quite possible. But this is where expert medical staff become invaluable. The club doctor ingeniously devised a support by breaking a popsickle stick into quarters and strapped the pieces on each side of Dangerfield's injury, giving full length protection north, south east and west.
On taking the field, Dangerfield the irresistible force unfortunately met the immovable object, Dustin Martin who with a flick of his hips, sent the irresistible force 4 rows back into the stands, unfortunately landing directly on his.............. poppsickle stick. If one thought matters couldn't get any worse, they just had, Dangerfield now suffering 'inverted *smile*', an extremely serious condition,, often described as looking more like a piece of female anatomy than that of a male.
Having experienced his first taste of Grand Final loss, Dangerfield retired to the showers, only to find his now deformed anatomy attracting the amorous attention of many of his team mates.
It is any wonder that the hero, indeed super idol of Geelong, injured and now disheveled and leaving the shower with tattered shorts, a stretched athletic support, looking more like a mankini, and a shattered look in his eye could even front up for season 2021.
So when critics want to have a piece of this Geelong Goliath, indeed Demi God, for having more clangers than possessions, and contributing to more than half of the opposition score line, marvel first that he was even able to take the field at all.
