Jokes Thread | PUNT ROAD END | Richmond Tigers Forum
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Jokes Thread

tigerman

Nank should grow a mullet.
Mar 17, 2003
10,632
1,685
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails.
When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The visibly shaken turtle said, I don’t know, it all happened so fast.
 

TV Josh

Tiger Rookie
May 26, 2005
329
258
Melbourne, VIC
Two saggy old boobs are sitting in a bar. One saggy old boob says to the other saggy old boob, "if we don't get some support soon, people are going to think we're nuts".
 
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tigerman

Nank should grow a mullet.
Mar 17, 2003
10,632
1,685
An 85 year old lady was seeing a new doctor for the first time after her doctor had retired. The new doctor asked her what medications she was taking, so she told the doctor. The doctor said to her that one of the medications she was taking was for birth control, and that she didn't need to be taking that. She told the doctor that she uses it as a sleeping tablet, the doctor laughed and told her that it wouldn't help her sleep. She said tho the doctor that her 16 year old granddaughter lives with her and that she crushes a tablet and puts it in her granddaughters orange juice every morning, and that it did indeed help her sleep very well each night.
 
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tigerman

Nank should grow a mullet.
Mar 17, 2003
10,632
1,685
When a woman is in labor, the pain is so intense.........she can almost imagine what a man feels like when he has cold.
 

tigerman

Nank should grow a mullet.
Mar 17, 2003
10,632
1,685
A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said 'I want to be a movie star.' Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials.
The agent asked, What's your name?
The guy said, My name is Pen!s van Lesbian.
The agent said, Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood, you are going to have to change your name.
The man said i will NOT change my name, the van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever.
The agent said, Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years... you will never go far in Hollywood with a name like *smile* van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will have to change your name or I will not be able to represent you.
So be it! I guess we will not do business together' the guy said and he left the agent's office.
FIVE YEARS LATER..... The agent opens an envelope sent to his office.
Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him $50,000? He reads the letter enclosed...
Dear Sir, Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood , you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Pen!s van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.

Thank you for your advice..

Sincerely yours,

Dick van Dyke
 
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tigerman

Nank should grow a mullet.
Mar 17, 2003
10,632
1,685
I was in a Pharmacy today when a duck waddled in. When I got served, I told the lady that there was a duck in the shop.
She said, oh he's back is he, he'll be here to buy some condoms. I said you're joking........ how will he pay for them, she said........ I'll put them on his bill.
 
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TT33

GO TIGES!!!
Feb 17, 2004
3,977
417
Melbourne
A bloke walked into a pub with a pig under his arm, the barman said to him "where did you get that?" . The pig answered "I won him in a raffle"
 
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