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Jokes Thread
- Thread starter Ian4
- Start date
I was talking to a bloke in the pub on Saturday, he said he was married and showed me a photo of her, saying isn't she beautiful.
I said to him if you think she's beautiful you should see my missus. He said she a stunner is she....... I said no, she an optician.
I said to him if you think she's beautiful you should see my missus. He said she a stunner is she....... I said no, she an optician.
A hungry and penniless bloke walks into a seedy cafe in Glasgow. He sits at the counter and notices
wee Jock with his arms folded staring blankly at a bowl of chilli. After fifteen minutes of just sitting there
staring at it, the hungry bloke bravely asks, If you aren't going to eat that, mind if I do? Wee Jock
slowly turns his head toward the young bloke and says, aye, ye can gae right aheid. The young bloke reaches over and starts spooning it down with sheer delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chilli. The sight was shocking and he immediately pukes the chilli back into the bowl.
Wee Jock said to him, aye that's as far as I got too.
A gas station owner in Alabama was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read, "Free Sex with Fill-Up."
Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex. The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said, You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.
A week later, the same redneck, along with his brother, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said,"Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time.
As they were driving away, the redneck said to his brother, I think that game is rigged, and he doesn't really give away free sex.
Bubba replied, no it ain't, Billy Ray, It ain't rigged, our sister Billy-Joe won twice last week.
Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex. The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said, You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.
A week later, the same redneck, along with his brother, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said,"Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time.
As they were driving away, the redneck said to his brother, I think that game is rigged, and he doesn't really give away free sex.
Bubba replied, no it ain't, Billy Ray, It ain't rigged, our sister Billy-Joe won twice last week.
