Jokes Thread | PUNT ROAD END | Richmond Tigers Forum
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Jokes Thread

tigerman

It's Tiger Time
Mar 17, 2003
19,163
11,580
Seeing that it's St Patricks day.


Paddy raised his Guinness and said, here's to spending the rest of my life between my wife legs.
And for that he won first prize of a years supply of Guinness for the best toast of the night.
Later that night he told his wife Catherine that he had won first prize for the best toast of the night.
She said that's grand Patrick, what did you say?
Paddy told her that he had said may I spend the rest of my life sitting next to my wife in church.
Catherine was so happy that she let Paddy spend a bit of time between her legs.

The next day while Catherine was shopping she saw one of Paddy's drinking mates.
His mate cheekily said to Catherine did Paddy tell her that he won first prize at Molly Malone's for a toast he had made about her?
Catherine said aye, and that it had surprised her, because he'd only been down there twice.
The first time he fell asleep, and the second time I had to grab him by the ears to make him come.
 
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tigerman

It's Tiger Time
Mar 17, 2003
19,163
11,580
An Irishman and a Greek were having a coffee when, over his double latte, the Greek says, “You know we built the Parthenon, along with the Temple of Apollo”
“Aye, and it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter solstices.” said the Irishman
“Maybe so, but it was the Greeks who gave birth to mathematics”.
“Granted,” came the reply, “but it was the Irish who built the first timepieces”.
Knowing that he’s about to deliver the coup de grace, the son of Athens points out with a note of finality: “Well just you keep in mind, next time you get lucky, that it was the ancient Greeks who invented the notion of sex as a pleasurable activity”.
“Aye! True enough,” said the Irishman, “but it was the Irish who got women involved”.
 
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tigerman

It's Tiger Time
Mar 17, 2003
19,163
11,580
Continuing on with the Irish theme, sorry to any of our Irish brothers and sisters.




Paddy had been looking for the love of his life, and thought his new girlfriend might be the one.

But after looking through her knickers draw and finding a nurses outfit, a policewoman's uniform and a French maids outfit, he called it off.

He reckoned that if she couldn't hold a steady job, she wasn't the right one for him.
 
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bigwow

Tiger Legend
Jul 24, 2003
6,669
3,158
Melbourne
Two nuns went on a bike ride...
...and one says to the other, as they turn down a side street
"I've never come this way before!"
And the other replies
"Yes! It's the cobblestones!"
 
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tigerman

It's Tiger Time
Mar 17, 2003
19,163
11,580
Had a blue with my missus yesterday
She called me a fat, lazy, ****

I said I'm fat, but I identify as skinny
I told her that I'm trans-slender
 
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Willo

Tiger Legend
Oct 13, 2007
16,440
3,044
Aldinga Beach
The Kiwi and Julia....................
A Kiwi was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck.
Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him.
After looking around, he realised that they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.
One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.
But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.
The only survivor was Julia Gillard. That evening, the man brought Julia to the evening beach ritual.
It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon, the man started to get 'those feelings' again.
He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Julia and told her he hadn't had sex for months.
Julia batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.
He said, 'Could you take the dog for a walk!'
 
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TigerForce

Tiger Legend
Apr 26, 2004
57,836
8,557
The Candy With The Little Hole
post-6192-1253430862_thumb.jpg
The children began to identify the flavors by their color:
Red.....................Cherry
Yellow................Lemon
Green.................Lime
Orange ..............Orange
Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. None of the children could identify the taste.
The teacher said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father.'
One little girl looked up in horror, spat her Lifesaver out and yelled, 'Oh my God! They're ass-holes!
The teacher had to leave the room!
 
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shad

Tiger Superstar
Apr 6, 2010
2,195
1,145
Castlemaine
Why did the gay chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard that the ref was blowing fowls.
 
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bigwow

Tiger Legend
Jul 24, 2003
6,669
3,158
Melbourne
Apparently 'Viagra' is now available in powder form specially for tea. Well, it's not for enhancing your sexual libido.................

............... But it won't let your dipped biscuit 'Go Soft'
 
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