Apologies to anyone offended, but I saw this written on a wall at Uni once.
"Nothing drives a lesbian up the wall like a crack in the ceiling".
"Nothing drives a lesbian up the wall like a crack in the ceiling".
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IMPORTANT // Please look after your loved ones, yourself and be kind to others. If you are feeling that the world is too hard to handle there is always help - I implore you not to hesitate in contacting one of these wonderful organisations Lifeline and Beyond Blue ... and I'm sure reaching out to our PRE community we will find a way to help. T.
Jokes Thread
- Thread starter Ian4
- Start date
A bloke flying from Sydney to Melbourne notices one of the engines is on fire and the plane making a rapid descent.The woman sitting next to him who he doesn't know is in complete meltdown and say's to the bloke next to him '' Do you think you could make me feel like a woman one last time? '' The bloke rip's his shirt off and say's " Here, iron this"
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'
'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes
outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home. 'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.
'I can't lie to you,' he replied, 'I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon.' She looked down at his shoes and said:
'You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!'
One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes
outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home. 'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.
'I can't lie to you,' he replied, 'I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon.' She looked down at his shoes and said:
'You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!'
Jake was dying
His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly:
'I have something I must confess.' 'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.
'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend,
her best friend, and your mother!''I know,' she replied.
'Now just rest and let the poison work.'
His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly:
'I have something I must confess.' 'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.
'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend,
her best friend, and your mother!''I know,' she replied.
'Now just rest and let the poison work.'
An man was stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and was asked where he was going at that time of night.
The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the terrible effects it has on the human body, as well as disgusting smoking and the pitfalls of staying out late."
The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replied, "That would be my wife."
The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the terrible effects it has on the human body, as well as disgusting smoking and the pitfalls of staying out late."
The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replied, "That would be my wife."
Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Larry asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?”
His father replied, “Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.”
Larry, looking worried, said, “Dad, I think the Milkman wants to buy Mom ......”
After a few minutes, Larry asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?”
His father replied, “Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.”
Larry, looking worried, said, “Dad, I think the Milkman wants to buy Mom ......”
A man took his wife to the Rodeo and one of the exhibits was that of breeding bulls.
They went up to the first pen and there was a sign that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year."
The wife poked her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year."
They walked a little further and saw another pen with a sign that said, "This bull mated 120 times last year".
The wife hit her husband and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."
They walked further and a third pen had a bull with a sign saying, "This bull mated 365 times last year."
The wife got really excited and said, "That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one."
The husband looked at his wife and said, "Go up and ask him if it was with the same cow every time."
They went up to the first pen and there was a sign that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year."
The wife poked her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year."
They walked a little further and saw another pen with a sign that said, "This bull mated 120 times last year".
The wife hit her husband and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."
They walked further and a third pen had a bull with a sign saying, "This bull mated 365 times last year."
The wife got really excited and said, "That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one."
The husband looked at his wife and said, "Go up and ask him if it was with the same cow every time."
